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Dating & Courtship

 

The Secret Behind Human’s Comfort Zone & the Novelty Attraction – Dating & Courtship Advice for Men

Why do we shy away from facing reality? Why do we mask the truth with a lie? Come to think of it, all of us as humans love to live in our own comfort zones. It is an in-born desire. Life, in its basic form hardly offers much comfort, both physical as well as mental. We are compelled to identify it ourselves and if we are unable to do that, we create them. After all, there is no better alternative in life than to “feel good”.

Dating & Courtship, personals. relationships, singles, online Dating & Courtship, love, romance, tips, advice

Why do we shy away from facing reality? Why do we mask the truth with a lie? Come to think of it, all of us as humans love to live in our own comfort zones. It is an in-born desire. Life, in its basic form hardly offers much comfort, both physical as well as mental. We are compelled to identify it ourselves and if we are unable to do that, we create them. After all, there is no better alternative in life than to “feel good”.

So what is it that the first few weeks or months in a Dating & Courtship scenario that makes it so rollicking and tempestuous? Mull over this: firstly you find someone, find whether the chemistry is right, and if it is so, pursue it with positive energy. Now there is a lot of art, but hardly any science in pursuing, as even Shakespeare commented: the “love of pursuit”. This involves interplay of a few of the most basic human emotions and mental processes. This is an area, where Dating & Courtship Gurus would like to believe that they know what’s happening.

But if you are on the look out for a “How-To” book in the market, there are hardly any, which talks about or addresses the issue of actually finding a date. Most dwell on the management of a relationship, much after the couple has crossed the initial stages of difficult and uncomfortable wooing. Memories of the struggle which both had gone through in the initial stages, make most couples stick together even in later months.

One of the most important factors in the early days of romancing (consider the first 60 days) that carry the couple through is, what I call, the “Novelty Syndrome”. Much like when we got a new toy in our childhood. The sheer excitement of getting to know someone, open up fresh vistas in your mind and makes you go blind and start believing in a few white lies. You are hardly in a mood to confront the warning signals as they gradually appear, but if you do, you can avoid the numerous pitfalls which may lie ahead.

It is important to remember one important thing about human nature. Nothing “new” holds its “newness” after a while. A new car, a new house, a new bike eventually lose out on its “new” appeal. Even in a relationship, why does it have to wither out? What happened to that spark? It happens mainly, because you “knew” her almost fully and started to take her for granted. The secret behind any successful relationship that lasts, has a lot to do with investment and re-investment of time, love, care and trust. The saying, you reap what you sow, holds very true in a human relationship.

You will agree with me that the first ten dates, are perhaps the trickiest, despite the initial euphoria of knowing someone new. This section can, to my mind, be analyzed using science, rather than art. If you care to break this period step by step and focus on each step, you are less likely to fall into the “better than nothing” trap. Obviously you will learn through your numerous mistakes, but I am going to take you through a logical, scientific process, which aims to make you learn faster so that you emerge with your sanity and prestige intact.

If you have seen “Sex and the City”, has it ever occurred to you, what makes it so successful? Undoubtedly, it is entertaining and perceptive, but the truth of the matter is that it is so REAL. It emphasizes, more than anything else, how unstable and shaky the entire contemporary Dating & Courtship scene is! And, to top it, hardly understood! Thus, it is time to remove all that shining veneer and bring you face to face with REALITY.

This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name and website © Copyright.

 

The Shady Side of Dating & Courtship & How to Avoid the Big Trap – Dating & Courtship Advice for Men

One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and unbreakable relationship. We must realize that men and women think, act and decide differently. Women thoroughly relish the long swelling waves of romancing that go up and down in their minds. They feel completely absorbed, engulfed and rejuvenated while going through the rigmarole of emotional upheavals.

Dating & Courtship, personals. relationships, singles, online Dating & Courtship, love, romance, tips, advice

One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and unbreakable relationship. We must realize that men and women think, act and decide differently. Women thoroughly relish the long swelling waves of romancing that go up and down in their minds. They feel completely absorbed, engulfed and rejuvenated while going through the rigmarole of emotional upheavals. On the contrary, men like less drama, less of emotional splurge and more of stability, sailing in tranquility of a rock-steady relationship.

What is the result of this mismatch of perspectives? You rush in and latch on to the woman of your life – as if there is no tomorrow – and the woman is viewing it totally differently. She visualizes pain before pleasure. Spends time thinking of what holds in future, thereby neglecting how she can hold on to the present. Exclusivity, monogamy – women yearn for that – but all at the pace which she sets. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.

It is therefore important to appreciate that both men and women respond to different emotional clocks when it comes to developing a relationship; the sense of timing is mutually exclusive. The Big Trap is just this. You are in a hurry to grab, and eventually fall out of the race – for no fault of yours. Happening mostly to men who are a “One Woman Man” and who date infrequently, women also are frequent victims of the Big Trap, for they also wish to become a “One Man Woman” and are monogamous by nature. Yet men who are cool about meeting and Dating & Courtship many women – which I sincerely plead you to follow – hardly fall into the Big Trap.

Your earnest desire is to bring an end to this tempestuous “affair” associated with Dating & Courtship and stabilize the relationship – none of the wildness of Dating & Courtship makes you happy – you want to go steady with a single woman. Reasons are aplenty for such behavior from men – seeking immediate but temporary monogamy. Definitely, a faulty understanding of women and wrong assumptions of their minds and beliefs is surely one of the main ones.

One more reason why men want to move fast is their restlessness to delve into the “unknown”. They hate to be kept in the dark for too long. The eternal question: will she agree to sex, won’t she agree to sex, bores and irritates the man. And with every passing day, the curiosity increases. If only such men knew the pleasures of a single man, without any holdings, free of emotional baggage – they would never get so stagnated and close all doors to glorious opportunities, that lie hidden.

So what happens when you are a victim of The Big Trap? You need to have a steady and stable relationship, as discussed above. As you carry on meeting women, your adrenalin rises to a peak, you get emotionally charged, yet with the lack of proper knowledge or understanding of the woman’s nature and expectations, you fall flat. You gradually start to lose ground. That affects your own sense of pride, self esteem. You start thinking romancing is a self-defeating exercise.

This is where a vicious cycle sets in. The more you lose out on women, the more you start hating not only yourself, but women too. The Loser Boy visits you often in your thoughts and dreams. It becomes impossible for you to improve upon your attitudes and behavior because remember: failure breeds failure, exactly the way success does. The miserable feeling amongst single men, is inevitable.

Or, perhaps you might date for a little while, find someone who doesn’t quite enthrall you, but you settle for the “second best” so to speak. Over a period of time, you start to realize, much to your disappointment, that you have settled for mediocrity – neither did you want this kind of woman, nor did you deserve her type. She, in turn gets more and more possessive – because she is also perhaps going through the same emotional drill as you are – settling for the “second best”. Physically may be together, but mentally, you are far, far apart.

This kind of negativity overwhelms you and since the very nature of such emotional upheavals is cyclical, it gets repeated over and over again. By now you would have already developed a fixed mindset: “Want to Get out of this soonest” – this very attitude destroys you further. The more you hate the concept of Dating & Courtship and meeting women, you are trying to evade the very process designed to improve your expertise in the area and bring about mental stability. It is time you thought like: “So many women, so little time”, as the wider and broader you make your choices, the more your chances of meeting many, many women.

Unless you broaden your horizon about women and Dating & Courtship, falling into the Big Trap will remain inevitable. Make women an “add on” to your otherwise glorious life, rather than the “end all and be all” of it. Don’t make her the reason for your existence – rather a small part of your existence. To ingratiate yourself with this kind of mental outlook is first, gather information (get empowered with knowledge), second, take the right decisions (act on the knowledge) and third, bask in the glory of your well-deserved success. Change the way you thought and acted till now, and be the man of your dreams, the man you always wanted to be.

This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name and website © Copyright.

 

The Temptation of Male Sex Desire – What’s the True Perspective? - Dating & Courtship Advice for Men

What is it that single most powerful force that drives men to forego everything for the sake of sex with a woman? If you can study the problem with all the possible perspectives, perhaps it will become clear to you how the debilitating cycle sets in, in the first place and how to bypass it.

Dating & Courtship, personals. relationships, singles, online Dating & Courtship, love, romance, tips, advice

What is it that single most powerful force that drives men to forego everything for the sake of sex with a woman? If you can study the problem with all the possible perspectives, perhaps it will become clear to you how the debilitating cycle sets in, in the first place and how to bypass it.

Try to recap a typical scenario of an average man’s situation. Man dates but unfortunately is faced with more disillusionment than fun and pleasure and this happens repeatedly. Have you ever wondered why? Well, the answer to this is very simple really. The more he runs after sex, and meets women only with this single point agenda, the more it eludes him, and the less he gets of what he wants.

All along however, it is your dream to be on the other side of things – where you never think of a woman leave alone having sex with her. And that’s the precise time when things start to happen and you get what you crave for.

Actually, the more you chase women and the concept of sex, the higher chances are there for them to desert you. There starts a merry-go-round, a cyclical pattern emerges, you need sex because you don’t have it, and then barbaric sex drive impels you to move at a break-neck speed, resulting in frustration, which again pumps up the speed further and so on.

Let us reverse the situation. A man who is Dating & Courtship many women, having relaxed sex without any hyped-up expectations and thoroughly enjoying it, is obviously more attractive to more number of women. Every second woman wants to give him a break and loves to date him. His need for sex is thereby not so frantic, nor is his craving for a woman. Women and sex run after him, and not the other way round.

So what is the secret behind this man’s success? How does he swim from one side of the river (desire-frustration-more desire) to the other side?

You really have to take a quantum leap to go to the other side. The process is called “Delay in Gratification”. Here you don’t deny or forget about your sexual needs, but just delay it. Some men accomplish this by taking up a serious hobby, which do not involve women even remotely, like writing, playing music, even working on cars and allow their need for women to completely vanish.

Once they reach this state of mental equilibrium, they choose to meet and go out with women. Women on the other hand find such guys extremely relaxing and comfortable to be with, as there is not an iota of “desperation” written across their faces as they are in complete control of their libido.

Much of this Delay In Gratification is possible once you fully understand the rules of the game of Dating & Courtship. You could say that in the Dating & Courtship game, means to reach the end is far more important, than the end itself. If you have ever gone fishing, you will understand this better. You don’t catch a fish, every time you cast the line. You repeat your effort several times, re-doing, refining your bait. Gradually you develop a natural instinct, when you know exactly how, when and where to cast the line, to get the catch of the day! And subsequently, what you do with your catch.

This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name and website © Copyright.




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