Dating & Courtship

 

Dating & Courtship Tips: Shaping a Woman's Behavior

I'd like to introduce a concept called SHAPING.
Shaping includes a number of tools that are used to set a STRONG precedent of behavior in a woman.

Dating & Courtship tips, Dating & Courtship tips for men, seduction, neil strauss, mystery method, october man sequence

I'd like to introduce a concept called SHAPING.

Shaping includes a number of tools that are used to set a STRONG precedent of behavior in a woman.

Quick Question >>>

Have you ever been in a situation with a woman, and she talked about how she LOVED when her boyfriend did something very specific?

Do you remember feeling motivation to perhaps DO THE SAME EXACT THING?

-or-

Have you ever been with a woman, and she asked you if you were reliable, honest or had a good relationship with your family?

Do you remember feeling motivated to answer in a way to IMPRESS HER?

Of course... we've all been there.

What's important however is not what the outcome was in those situations, but only to be AWARE of the fact that you were EMOTIONALLY COMPELLED to behave in a certain way...

Whether she knew it or not (most likely, she DIDN'T) she was SHAPING you.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing...

People do it to each other all the time.

But most of the time, you are encouraging a woman to behave in a way that is NOT aligned with your desired outcome.

And that's what we want to change STARTING RIGHT NOW.

There are a number of different ways you can start to employ shaping in your interactions with women.

And I've split them up into 5 different categories.

Now don't get me wrong.

This is a HUGE topic, and I could literally teach an entire seminar on shaping ALONE.

Right now I just want to get the seeds planted in your mind so that you can begin to grasp the higher level ideas, and start to incorporate them into your interactions.

So let's look at the five different categories of shaping.

1. Screening questions.

Screening questions are questions specifically designed to:

A) Get a woman to answer a specific way and
B) Start to behave in a manner more congruent with how she just answered you.

There are many types of screening questions, and above all you should use them in the right context.

For example, you wouldn't start a conversation with a woman with the question "Do you consider yourself to be independent?"... but it might come later on.

Screening questions are by far the least subtle and most OVERT out of all the shaping techniques.

They are easiest to employ RIGHT away, but because they cause a sharp emotional response, they may seem transparent and obvious to the woman.

2. Showing that you value certain behaviors or personality traits.

This is very similar to screening questions, except this time you are making a statement.

It's a little less obvious, but it is no where near as subtle as the remaining 3 techniques.

Instead of saying something like "What was the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?" (which is a screening question) You might say something like "Spontaneity is really important to me. It not only keeps things fresh and exciting, but also reminds me of our incredible freedom in life."

Because you are JUSTIFYING your statement with a truism (it's hard to argue that spontaneity keeps things fresh and exciting), she cannot disagree and will be motivated to agree that spontaneity is important.

And because she's committed to saying spontaneity is important, she will now behave in a way CONSISTENT with that.

3. Setting a strong precedent through storytelling.

Now we're getting warmer.

This technique, along with the next two, are VERY devious.

They are so devious, in fact, that women use them ALL THE TIME.

It's funny actually - my sister recently sat in on a recent DiClassified Drills workshop in NYC and I was surprised to discover that she not only agreed with the effectiveness of my techniques, but also - had already used many of them NATURALLY!

Of course this makes sense, seeing that many of my BEST techniques have been stolen DIRECTLY from the women I know who have the VERY BEST game.

The idea behind this 3rd concept is that you will tell a story that DEMONSTRATES what standards you expect, so that she can live up to them.

For example, you could say to a woman, very early in the interaction something like:

"One thing that is great about my friend Sarah, is that she is extremely thoughtful. Last night I mentioned that I was thinking of going shopping for a few new shirts, and not two hours later she dropped off this month's copy of GQ magazine on her way to the gym. Only problem now is, I have TOO MANY new ideas for a new outfit."

The beauty of that is, it doesn't even have to be true!

(I'm not going to make a moral decision for you here, I'm sure that you're more than capable. But for the record, these techniques have the exact same effect on a woman whether they are true or not)

4. Pointing out a desired personality trait while ignoring the undesirable.

This is classic shaping, and can be used freely to amplify existing behaviors and personality traits.

The idea is that - if you see a girl doing something (for example, drinking like CRAZY while out in a bar) you can comment on this in the following way.

Taking this single behavior - drinking like crazy, there are different components to it, some good, some bad.

Let's say you like the free-spirited aspect of it, but you don't like the fact that she may not have a lot of self control...

You could say:

"Wow, you're so much fun! and so-free spirited. It's cool you do things you really want to do, and don't rely for others for direction. You follow your OWN desires."

By pointing out behaviors, you are in fact REWARDING them and AMPLIFYING that same behaviorin the future.

By selecting the ASPECT of her behaviors you like, and calling attention to them, you are SHAPING her future behavior.

(By the way, the above example is useful when going for a same-night-lay with a girl. You tell her she makes her own decisions and she'll be less likely to listen to her friends when they suggest that she shouldn't go home with you. Sneaky, but also KILLER in the field)

5. Reward calibration i.e. giving a woman cues as to how to perceive you based on the nature of the way you reward her 'good' behavior. This is highly advanced, and I am far beyond the scope of this newsletter.

Just understand that if you have determined what you will acknowledge as "good" behavior from a woman, it is to your benefit to REWARD her with something you want her to WORK for or CHASE AFTER.

Hint: It should be either affection, physicality or getting in bed, and NEVER material or monetary. Violating this rule is the surest way to CREATE a gold digger!

(YES. Gold diggers are not born gold diggers. They are CREATED on a case by case basis by the men in their lives. See a woman as a gold digger, and that my friend, is what she will be.)

Be good, and use these techniques with care.

 

Dating & Courtship Tips: Using Storytelling to Attract Women

Today I want to talk to you about a subject that I feel is very important and powerful when it comes to meeting and holding the interest of not only women but anyone in your life. This subject is none other than Storytelling and when used correctly, can make your desirability with women sky rocket.

Dating & Courtship tips, Dating & Courtship tips for men, seduction, neil strauss, mystery method, october man sequence

Today I want to talk to you about a subject that I feel is very important and powerful when it comes to meeting and holding the interest of not only women but anyone in your life.

This subject is none other than Storytelling and when used correctly, can make your desirability with women sky rocket.

Before I jump into the tips and secrets behind successful story telling and how to construct a powerful story (which will be covered more in depth in Part II) I want to clear up a few myths when it comes to the matter of story telling.

Myth one: My stories have to be true and about me.

Now this is ultimately up for you to decide but as long as you keep the conversation fun, apply the right story telling techniques, and can keep the conversation moving, then your story does not have to be true.

Even if the women does not believe the story, if you kept it fun, she will be entertained and most likely run with new conversation topics developed from your stories.

I am not encouraging you to lie though, the most powerful stories are ones that are true and come from a place of emotion.

You can be so over the top with stories where the unbelievably becomes so fun that she gets involved and becomes part of a newly painted reality that you and the girl get to share and more importantly create together. (This becomes a key factor in "Role Playing" and by mastering storytelling, your creativity in "Role Play Conversations" raises but sadly, the subject of role playing will have to be saved for a later issue.)

However I think the biggest misconception is not whether the stories have to be true, but is more about whether or not they have to be about the story teller.

One of the main goals of story telling is to communicate to the listener about you. Surprisingly, it is easier to convey things about yourself by HOW you tell a story, not the actual content of it.

Through the power of expressions, energy, and vivid language, you can convey to your listeners such things as, dominance, humor, interests, and over all personality.

When applying the proper techniques of a story, you should be able to repeat what you heard on the news but in such a fashion that directly makes you more interesting and displays your personality.

Myth Two: As you get better with women you become less dependent on story telling.

Now there is some truth to this myth in the sense that you do not go into interactions with prescripted stories as much as you may starting out. However, it is through the skills that storytelling develops that make you less dependent.

Instead of going into in interaction with a story you have made up or written down and rehearsed, you are able to share any subject in an interesting fashion that makes people listen.

This skill is enhanced by applying the arts of storytelling and is one of the key reasons learning and mastering storytelling is a great way to improve not only your skills with women, but your overall social skills.

What is storytelling and why is it important?

Storytelling is the direct means of communication when highlighting important parts of your life to the listener. Not only through context, but through delivery.

Storytelling plays a very important part in getting to know someone and the great thing about telling a story, is that it creates so many other subject matters to talk about and that a story is almost always followed by another story.

If you are familiar with "The Canterbury Tales" by Geoffrey Chaucer, you will see how each story is molded by the one told before it and by who told the story. (Don't worry; your stories don't have to have a rhyme scheme during the interaction like many of Chaucer's do)

There are many reasons storytelling is important and if you are not currently utilizing storytelling then consider these following facts:

*Storytelling is a great way to save dying conversations

This is one of the most common problems that I see with many guys. An interaction will be going great, then conversation starts to die and there is that awkward silence. This is a great time to bust out a story from your arsenal and revive the interaction.

Knowing you are armed with a story creates more approach confidence when entering an interaction.

People are afraid to enter interactions because of the fear of running out of things to say. By developing a great story or two and keeping them in your back pocket for when you need them creates a great since of confidence during the initial approach and can really help limit the anxiety that one gets when approaching a beautiful women. You are guaranteed that the interaction will last at least the length of your story.

*Storytelling is a great way to display dominance

When you are telling a story the right way, all eyes are on you, you are the center of attention, and everyone lingers off your next word. Holding the attention of the group through storytelling puts you in a dominant frame of you being the leader of the interaction and everyone else being the listener, waiting to see where you take the group next.

What you convey through your stories is how you will be remembered.

Unlike most things you say during an interaction, a good story is unforgettable. How many times have you had someone tell you about some crazy story that one of their friends told them? Stories have been passed down for ages; it is an old custom and still exists till this day. The girl should be able to look back on the interaction and be like "Oh yeah, that was the guy who (did whatever interesting activity that relates to you)."

*Storytelling develops stronger social skills

This is one of the biggest reasons that I like to make sure everyone masters storytelling. Through storytelling you learn to capture the entire attention of the group. Also you directly convey your personality and it gets you accustomed to doing so. The skills that are developed from strong storytelling directly carry over into your social personality that make all conversation with you more exciting and vivid. The expressiveness you show in stories ties into your future interactions and directly improves your social personality.

*You can convey things through storytelling that you normally could not say.

There may be some interesting details of your life that said outside the context of a story may come off as bragging. But in a story, these little details are never the subject of the story thus they remain subtle but are powerful when displaying aspects of your identity.

Now that you have an idea of why storytelling is so effective and what you should be aiming for when telling a story we are going to work on creating your very own powerful stories that cannot be ignored. All this will be covered in Part II of this newsletter, but there is an exercise I want you to do right now so you can directly apply all the tips and tactics to create an amazing story.

Exercise 1: Write down anywhere from seven to ten moments in your life that you feel changed or defined who you are.

If you have a funny story then that is just a humorous time then you can feel free to include that. But even if the story does not seem major, just entertaining, the fact that you can remember it means it has a bigger effect than you realize.

This can be happy, fun, or even sad (not depressing) but we do learn through negative experiences. We will eventually cut these down to just a couple stories in Part II but for now I just want you to get into the habit of taking note of interesting experiences in your life.

Ideas: Vacations, Life/Death Experiences, an unforgettable concert or sporting event, a moment you succeeded, something funny that happened to you or a friend.

Now I know that there are going to be people that say they have no interesting stories. This is just not the truth; everyone has something interesting that has shaped who they are. Do not be modest; even if it's a silly story write it down. You can't be afraid to share a story, sometimes they are hard to think of and if you really can't think of a past story, starting paying more attention to your every day life. And if you still can’t think of one then go take a vacation, you will return with hundreds of them.

So many things happen in one day that people don't even think would be a story. But every past event being told is a story. There is no excuse not to have one.

Exercise Two: Write down at least 5 things that you would like people to know about you.

This is going to tie into personality conveying. Think of the things that you would like any friend or new acquaintance to know about you. These are the things that directly relate to your identity and make you who you are. Do not be surprised if these things are directly related in some way to the stories you wrote down in exercise one.

Ideas: Hobbies, Sports you play, instruments you play, your job, your goals, your skills and achievements.

Now save this list, we are going to use it a lot in Part II of this newsletter to create some super powerful stories that you can always rely on. Also I will further go into the skills of storytelling and how to use them to make every story and conversation more interesting.

I am going to do this very exercise along with you guys so you will get to see my story end product as well.

Till then keep an eye out for the next letter and great ready to really take storytelling to the next level.

 

Dating & Courtship Tips and Seduction

Some guys will never become great with women. Now I'm here to tell you how. You will probably never hear what I'm about to say from other gurus because it's such a very subtle but very powerful fix that most leave it out of the equation.

seduction, Dating & Courtship, pick up artist, pick up artist vh1, Dating & Courtship tips, neil strauss

Some guys will never become great with women.

"What?!"

You might think I've lost my mind, but it's true.

A lot of guys just won't get it.

And it's not because they're not smart enough or somehow defective...

In fact, it's a subconscious choice, that they have made unknowingly.

I know what you're thinking.

"How can I make sure I'm not one of those guys?"

Am I right?

Well I'm here to tell you how. You will probably never hear what I'm about to say from other gurus because it's such a very subtle but very powerful fix that most leave it out of the equation.

Meet Matt. Matt's a good guy, likes to be social and has taken a bootcamp with another one of the pickup companies. But Matt still doesn't get the success he really wants; in fact he's not successful at all.

"Vin, why don't you help him!?"

There are a couple reasons why I don't help Matt out. One being he's too set in his ways and is stubborn.

BUT, that's not the real reason. If Matt was only stubborn I'd have an easy time changing his mind about things.

The real reason why I can't help him is the same reason why he isn't successful with women.

I've already said Matt's a good guy, but every time I talk to him I get the feeling like he wants something from me. In fact a lot of our mutual friends have said the same thing to me about him.

We don't like hanging out with Matt and neither do women.

Matt always give this vibe of having an ulterior motive. He talks to you like a friend, which is great, but he naturally gives off a vibe that says to me that he's trying to take knowledge, power and fun from me.

The same thing happens to Matt when he's talking to women. He treats them in a friendly manner and is funny but always gives off this vibe that on another level he has an underlying intention.

Having intentions with women isn't a bad thing. If you express your sensual intentions openly they'll acceptable it, especially if you have tight game. It may even turn them on. IN FACT it will skyrocket your conversion rate if you do it the right way.

But if you hide your intentions you come off as creepy and weird. Women won't trust you or feel safe being around you alone. You could be the best actor in the world but... THEY WILL KNOW.

Being creepy is the "Death" card in the Tarot deck of your love life. It will kill any chance of success you might have.

So now you know what might be going wrong. How do you fix it?

Well to start off you need to begin being fun and unattached to the outcome whenever you can. It's not about giving back money. It could be anything from telling a great story to a group or being a great host to a bunch of your friends. It could also be a compliment (in the right way of course) or a tease that will spike emotions in way that is fun to a woman.

Be out there talking to women not only because you want to pickup, but because women are amazing and fun and interesting and wonderful.

Next you need to start doing is being clear about your intentions. This doesn't mean directly telling a girl "The whole purpose of me talking to you is so that I can get into your pants." That's going to kill your pickup about as fast as being creepy.

There are small subtle changes you can make in your behavior that will affect how your intentions are perceived and if you're congruent with what you're saying. There are so many small fixes that I could write a novel on them.

Do you want to read a novel about fixing your creepy vibe and then taking the months to implement it that it will require? I didn't think so. I wouldn't want to spend the months writing that novel either.