Blog
Dating & Courtship
Dating & Courtship Tips:
Shaping a Woman's Behavior
I'd like to introduce a concept called
SHAPING.
Shaping includes a number of tools that are
used to set a STRONG precedent of behavior in a woman.
Dating & Courtship tips, Dating & Courtship tips for men, seduction, neil
strauss, mystery method, october man sequence
I'd
like to introduce a concept called SHAPING.
Shaping includes a number of tools that are used to set
a STRONG precedent of behavior in a woman.
Quick
Question >>>
Have you ever been in a situation
with a woman, and she talked about how she LOVED when
her boyfriend did something very specific?
Do you
remember feeling motivation to perhaps DO THE SAME EXACT
THING?
-or-
Have you ever been with a
woman, and she asked you if you were reliable, honest or
had a good relationship with your family?
Do you
remember feeling motivated to answer in a way to IMPRESS
HER?
Of course... we've all been there.
What's important however is not what the outcome was in
those situations, but only to be AWARE of the fact that
you were EMOTIONALLY COMPELLED to behave in a certain
way...
Whether she knew it or not (most likely,
she DIDN'T) she was SHAPING you.
Now don't get me
wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing...
People do it to each other all the time.
But most
of the time, you are encouraging a woman to behave in a
way that is NOT aligned with your desired outcome.
And that's what we want to change STARTING RIGHT
NOW.
There are a number of different ways you can
start to employ shaping in your interactions with women.
And I've split them up into 5 different categories.
Now don't get me wrong.
This is a HUGE topic,
and I could literally teach an entire seminar on shaping
ALONE.
Right now I just want to get the seeds
planted in your mind so that you can begin to grasp the
higher level ideas, and start to incorporate them into
your interactions.
So let's look at the five
different categories of shaping.
1. Screening
questions.
Screening questions are questions
specifically designed to:
A) Get a woman to
answer a specific way and
B) Start to behave in a
manner more congruent with how she just answered you.
There are many types of screening questions, and
above all you should use them in the right context.
For example, you wouldn't start a conversation with
a woman with the question "Do you consider yourself to
be independent?"... but it might come later on.
Screening questions are by far the least subtle and most
OVERT out of all the shaping techniques.
They are
easiest to employ RIGHT away, but because they cause a
sharp emotional response, they may seem transparent and
obvious to the woman.
2. Showing that you value
certain behaviors or personality traits.
This is
very similar to screening questions, except this time
you are making a statement.
It's a little less
obvious, but it is no where near as subtle as the
remaining 3 techniques.
Instead of saying
something like "What was the most spontaneous thing
you've ever done?" (which is a screening question) You
might say something like "Spontaneity is really
important to me. It not only keeps things fresh and
exciting, but also reminds me of our incredible freedom
in life."
Because you are JUSTIFYING your
statement with a truism (it's hard to argue that
spontaneity keeps things fresh and exciting), she cannot
disagree and will be motivated to agree that spontaneity
is important.
And because she's committed to
saying spontaneity is important, she will now behave in
a way CONSISTENT with that.
3. Setting a strong
precedent through storytelling.
Now we're getting
warmer.
This technique, along with the next two,
are VERY devious.
They are so devious, in fact,
that women use them ALL THE TIME.
It's funny
actually - my sister recently sat in on a recent
DiClassified Drills workshop in NYC and I was surprised
to discover that she not only agreed with the
effectiveness of my techniques, but also - had already
used many of them NATURALLY!
Of course this makes
sense, seeing that many of my BEST techniques have been
stolen DIRECTLY from the women I know who have the VERY
BEST game.
The idea behind this 3rd concept is
that you will tell a story that DEMONSTRATES what
standards you expect, so that she can live up to them.
For example, you could say to a woman, very early in
the interaction something like:
"One thing that
is great about my friend Sarah, is that she is extremely
thoughtful. Last night I mentioned that I was thinking
of going shopping for a few new shirts, and not two
hours later she dropped off this month's copy of GQ
magazine on her way to the gym. Only problem now is, I
have TOO MANY new ideas for a new outfit."
The
beauty of that is, it doesn't even have to be true!
(I'm not going to make a moral decision for you
here, I'm sure that you're more than capable. But for
the record, these techniques have the exact same effect
on a woman whether they are true or not)
4.
Pointing out a desired personality trait while ignoring
the undesirable.
This is classic shaping, and can
be used freely to amplify existing behaviors and
personality traits.
The idea is that - if you see
a girl doing something (for example, drinking like CRAZY
while out in a bar) you can comment on this in the
following way.
Taking this single behavior -
drinking like crazy, there are different components to
it, some good, some bad.
Let's say you like the
free-spirited aspect of it, but you don't like the fact
that she may not have a lot of self control...
You could say:
"Wow, you're so much fun! and
so-free spirited. It's cool you do things you really
want to do, and don't rely for others for direction. You
follow your OWN desires."
By pointing out
behaviors, you are in fact REWARDING them and AMPLIFYING
that same behaviorin the future.
By selecting the
ASPECT of her behaviors you like, and calling attention
to them, you are SHAPING her future behavior.
(By
the way, the above example is useful when going for a
same-night-lay with a girl. You tell her she makes her
own decisions and she'll be less likely to listen to her
friends when they suggest that she shouldn't go home
with you. Sneaky, but also KILLER in the field)
5. Reward calibration i.e. giving a woman cues as to how
to perceive you based on the nature of the way you
reward her 'good' behavior. This is highly advanced, and
I am far beyond the scope of this newsletter.
Just understand that if you have determined what you
will acknowledge as "good" behavior from a woman, it is
to your benefit to REWARD her with something you want
her to WORK for or CHASE AFTER.
Hint: It should
be either affection, physicality or getting in bed, and
NEVER material or monetary. Violating this rule is the
surest way to CREATE a gold digger!
(YES. Gold
diggers are not born gold diggers. They are CREATED on a
case by case basis by the men in their lives. See a
woman as a gold digger, and that my friend, is what she
will be.)
Be good, and use these techniques with
care.
Dating & Courtship Tips: Using
Storytelling to Attract Women
Today I want to talk to you about a subject
that I feel is very important and powerful when it comes
to meeting and holding the interest of not only women
but anyone in your life. This subject is none other than
Storytelling and when used correctly, can make your
desirability with women sky rocket.
Dating &
Courtship tips,
Dating & Courtship tips for men, seduction, neil strauss, mystery
method, october man sequence
Today I want to talk
to you about a subject that I feel is very important and
powerful when it comes to meeting and holding the
interest of not only women but anyone in your life.
This subject is none other than Storytelling and
when used correctly, can make your desirability with
women sky rocket.
Before I jump into the tips and
secrets behind successful story telling and how to
construct a powerful story (which will be covered more
in depth in Part II) I want to clear up a few myths when
it comes to the matter of story telling.
Myth
one: My stories have to be true and about me.
Now
this is ultimately up for you to decide but as long as
you keep the conversation fun, apply the right story
telling techniques, and can keep the conversation
moving, then your story does not have to be true.
Even if the women does not believe the story, if you
kept it fun, she will be entertained and most likely run
with new conversation topics developed from your
stories.
I am not encouraging you to lie though,
the most powerful stories are ones that are true and
come from a place of emotion.
You can be so over
the top with stories where the unbelievably becomes so
fun that she gets involved and becomes part of a newly
painted reality that you and the girl get to share and
more importantly create together. (This becomes a key
factor in "Role Playing" and by mastering storytelling,
your creativity in "Role Play Conversations" raises but
sadly, the subject of role playing will have to be saved
for a later issue.)
However I think the biggest
misconception is not whether the stories have to be
true, but is more about whether or not they have to be
about the story teller.
One of the main goals of
story telling is to communicate to the listener about
you. Surprisingly, it is easier to convey things about
yourself by HOW you tell a story, not the actual content
of it.
Through the power of expressions, energy,
and vivid language, you can convey to your listeners
such things as, dominance, humor, interests, and over
all personality.
When applying the proper
techniques of a story, you should be able to repeat what
you heard on the news but in such a fashion that
directly makes you more interesting and displays your
personality.
Myth Two: As you get better with
women you become less dependent on story telling.
Now there is some truth to this myth in the sense
that you do not go into interactions with prescripted
stories as much as you may starting out. However, it is
through the skills that storytelling develops that make
you less dependent.
Instead of going into in
interaction with a story you have made up or written
down and rehearsed, you are able to share any subject in
an interesting fashion that makes people listen.
This skill is enhanced by applying the arts of
storytelling and is one of the key reasons learning and
mastering storytelling is a great way to improve not
only your skills with women, but your overall social
skills.
What is storytelling and why is it
important?
Storytelling is the direct means of
communication when highlighting important parts of your
life to the listener. Not only through context, but
through delivery.
Storytelling plays a very
important part in getting to know someone and the great
thing about telling a story, is that it creates so many
other subject matters to talk about and that a story is
almost always followed by another story.
If you
are familiar with "The Canterbury Tales" by Geoffrey
Chaucer, you will see how each story is molded by the
one told before it and by who told the story. (Don't
worry; your stories don't have to have a rhyme scheme
during the interaction like many of Chaucer's do)
There are many reasons storytelling is important and
if you are not currently utilizing storytelling then
consider these following facts:
*Storytelling is
a great way to save dying conversations
This is
one of the most common problems that I see with many
guys. An interaction will be going great, then
conversation starts to die and there is that awkward
silence. This is a great time to bust out a story from
your arsenal and revive the interaction.
Knowing
you are armed with a story creates more approach
confidence when entering an interaction.
People
are afraid to enter interactions because of the fear of
running out of things to say. By developing a great
story or two and keeping them in your back pocket for
when you need them creates a great since of confidence
during the initial approach and can really help limit
the anxiety that one gets when approaching a beautiful
women. You are guaranteed that the interaction will last
at least the length of your story.
*Storytelling
is a great way to display dominance
When you are
telling a story the right way, all eyes are on you, you
are the center of attention, and everyone lingers off
your next word. Holding the attention of the group
through storytelling puts you in a dominant frame of you
being the leader of the interaction and everyone else
being the listener, waiting to see where you take the
group next.
What you convey through your stories
is how you will be remembered.
Unlike most things
you say during an interaction, a good story is
unforgettable. How many times have you had someone tell
you about some crazy story that one of their friends
told them? Stories have been passed down for ages; it is
an old custom and still exists till this day. The girl
should be able to look back on the interaction and be
like "Oh yeah, that was the guy who (did whatever
interesting activity that relates to you)."
*Storytelling develops stronger social skills
This is one of the biggest reasons that I like to make
sure everyone masters storytelling. Through storytelling
you learn to capture the entire attention of the group.
Also you directly convey your personality and it gets
you accustomed to doing so. The skills that are
developed from strong storytelling directly carry over
into your social personality that make all conversation
with you more exciting and vivid. The expressiveness you
show in stories ties into your future interactions and
directly improves your social personality.
*You
can convey things through storytelling that you normally
could not say.
There may be some interesting
details of your life that said outside the context of a
story may come off as bragging. But in a story, these
little details are never the subject of the story thus
they remain subtle but are powerful when displaying
aspects of your identity.
Now that you have an
idea of why storytelling is so effective and what you
should be aiming for when telling a story we are going
to work on creating your very own powerful stories that
cannot be ignored. All this will be covered in Part II
of this newsletter, but there is an exercise I want you
to do right now so you can directly apply all the tips
and tactics to create an amazing story.
Exercise
1: Write down anywhere from seven to ten moments in your
life that you feel changed or defined who you are.
If you have a funny story then that is just a
humorous time then you can feel free to include that.
But even if the story does not seem major, just
entertaining, the fact that you can remember it means it
has a bigger effect than you realize.
This can be
happy, fun, or even sad (not depressing) but we do learn
through negative experiences. We will eventually cut
these down to just a couple stories in Part II but for
now I just want you to get into the habit of taking note
of interesting experiences in your life.
Ideas:
Vacations, Life/Death Experiences, an unforgettable
concert or sporting event, a moment you succeeded,
something funny that happened to you or a friend.
Now I know that there are going to be people that
say they have no interesting stories. This is just not
the truth; everyone has something interesting that has
shaped who they are. Do not be modest; even if it's a
silly story write it down. You can't be afraid to share
a story, sometimes they are hard to think of and if you
really can't think of a past story, starting paying more
attention to your every day life. And if you still can’t
think of one then go take a vacation, you will return
with hundreds of them.
So many things happen in
one day that people don't even think would be a story.
But every past event being told is a story. There is no
excuse not to have one.
Exercise Two: Write down
at least 5 things that you would like people to know
about you.
This is going to tie into personality
conveying. Think of the things that you would like any
friend or new acquaintance to know about you. These are
the things that directly relate to your identity and
make you who you are. Do not be surprised if these
things are directly related in some way to the stories
you wrote down in exercise one.
Ideas: Hobbies,
Sports you play, instruments you play, your job, your
goals, your skills and achievements.
Now save
this list, we are going to use it a lot in Part II of
this newsletter to create some super powerful stories
that you can always rely on. Also I will further go into
the skills of storytelling and how to use them to make
every story and conversation more interesting.
I
am going to do this very exercise along with you guys so
you will get to see my story end product as well.
Till then keep an eye out for the next letter and
great ready to really take storytelling to the next
level.
Dating & Courtship Tips and
Seduction
Some guys will never become great with women. Now I'm
here to tell you how. You will probably never hear what
I'm about to say from other gurus because it's such a
very subtle but very powerful fix that most leave it out
of the equation.
seduction, Dating & Courtship, pick up
artist, pick up artist vh1, Dating & Courtship tips, neil strauss
Some guys will never become great with women.
"What?!"
You might think I've lost my mind,
but it's true.
A lot of guys just won't get it.
And it's not because they're not smart enough or
somehow defective...
In fact, it's a subconscious
choice, that they have made unknowingly.
I know
what you're thinking.
"How can I make sure I'm
not one of those guys?"
Am I right?
Well
I'm here to tell you how. You will probably never hear
what I'm about to say from other gurus because it's such
a very subtle but very powerful fix that most leave it
out of the equation.
Meet Matt. Matt's a good
guy, likes to be social and has taken a bootcamp with
another one of the pickup companies. But Matt still
doesn't get the success he really wants; in fact he's
not successful at all.
"Vin, why don't you help
him!?"
There are a couple reasons why I don't
help Matt out. One being he's too set in his ways and is
stubborn.
BUT, that's not the real reason. If
Matt was only stubborn I'd have an easy time changing
his mind about things.
The real reason why I
can't help him is the same reason why he isn't
successful with women.
I've already said Matt's a
good guy, but every time I talk to him I get the feeling
like he wants something from me. In fact a lot of our
mutual friends have said the same thing to me about him.
We don't like hanging out with Matt and neither do
women.
Matt always give this vibe of having an
ulterior motive. He talks to you like a friend, which is
great, but he naturally gives off a vibe that says to me
that he's trying to take knowledge, power and fun from
me.
The same thing happens to Matt when he's
talking to women. He treats them in a friendly manner
and is funny but always gives off this vibe that on
another level he has an underlying intention.
Having intentions with women isn't a bad thing. If you
express your sensual intentions openly they'll
acceptable it, especially if you have tight game. It may
even turn them on. IN FACT it will skyrocket your
conversion rate if you do it the right way.
But
if you hide your intentions you come off as creepy and
weird. Women won't trust you or feel safe being around
you alone. You could be the best actor in the world
but... THEY WILL KNOW.
Being creepy is the
"Death" card in the Tarot deck of your love life. It
will kill any chance of success you might have.
So now you know what might be going wrong. How do you
fix it?
Well to start off you need to begin being
fun and unattached to the outcome whenever you can. It's
not about giving back money. It could be anything from
telling a great story to a group or being a great host
to a bunch of your friends. It could also be a
compliment (in the right way of course) or a tease that
will spike emotions in way that is fun to a woman.
Be out there talking to women not only because you
want to pickup, but because women are amazing and fun
and interesting and wonderful.
Next you need to
start doing is being clear about your intentions. This
doesn't mean directly telling a girl "The whole purpose
of me talking to you is so that I can get into your
pants." That's going to kill your pickup about as fast
as being creepy.
There are small subtle changes
you can make in your behavior that will affect how your
intentions are perceived and if you're congruent with
what you're saying. There are so many small fixes that I
could write a novel on them.
Do you want to read
a novel about fixing your creepy vibe and then taking
the months to implement it that it will require? I
didn't think so. I wouldn't want to spend the months
writing that novel either.