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Dating & Courtship
Dating & Courtship, Drugs And
Alcohol
Dear
Daughter,
I love you so much. I wish that I could
always protect you from all dangers, but I know that I
can’t. You are growing up and you will have to face
dangers and make some decisions on your own. However, I
am always here and I can always be a pretty good coach.
Please talk to me anytime about any problem you may
have, even if you have messed up. I have messed up a few
times myself.
I was thinking about my last letter
on Dating & Courtship. I would like to continue those...
christan, drugs, alcohol, Dating & Courtship
Dear Daughter,
I love you so much. I wish that I could always
protect you from all dangers, but I know that I can’t.
You are growing up and you will have to face dangers and
make some decisions on your own. However, I am always
here and I can always be a pretty good coach. Please
talk to me anytime about any problem you may have, even
if you have messed up. I have messed up a few times
myself.
I was thinking about my last letter on
Dating & Courtship. I would like to continue those thoughts. As I
think about the potential dangers to avoid, drugs and
alcohol are at the top of the list.
The moment
you learn that a boyfriend is using any type of illegal
drug, begin choosing the location for the break up.
Never let the relationship continue thinking that he
will give up the drugs for you. I know this sounds
cruel, but it is true. People who are using drugs will
look you in the eye and convincingly lie about the drug
use. The drug use actually alters their personality.
They will lie and do things that they wouldn’t normally
do.
When you break up with someone over drug
use, it’s a little different situation. As described
before, choose a semi-private but public location, such
as a restaurant. Take your own transportation and enough
one dollar bills to pay for whatever you order, if you
are meeting in a restaurant.
Get straight to the
issue. If you like him, tell him so. If he has some good
points, compliment him. Then tell him that you cannot
continue Dating & Courtship him because he uses drugs. Tell him that
this is something you decided long ago and that you are
sticking to it. If it is true, tell him that you still
consider him to be a friend, but you will not date him.
He will try to minimize the drug use. He may say
that he doesn’t use drugs that often, and that it’s no
big deal, everyone does it. He may say that he can quit
anytime he wants to quit. He may try to make you feel
guilty for treating him so badly. Don’t believe any of
this. Tell him that only he can decide what he wants to
do, you wish him the best and that you hope, for his
sake, he does decide to give up the drugs. Get up and
leave.
In about a week or so he may call to tell
you that he is off all drugs and doing great.
Congratulate him and tell him that you will not consider
Dating & Courtship him until he has been drug free for at least a
year. He will then try to make you feel bad for being so
unreasonable. He may even try to make you feel guilty
for not helping him stay off drugs by continuing the
relationship. Without you he may start using drugs
again. Don’t buy any of this. Tell him that it is up to
him to quit the drugs, not you. You are not responsible
for his behavior. By the way, if you are thinking that
everyone does some drugs so there is no one left to
date, you are hanging around the wrong people.
While we are on the subject, do we need to talk about
drug use? I don’t think that we do, but if we do,
please, please, let’s talk. You need to know that there
is a lot of false information out there, most of which
comes from the people who are using the drugs. They make
it sound really good. It’s not. I have seen many people
lose their family, friends, their productive lifestyle,
and sometimes their life, because the drug became number
one in their life.
Do you know what upsets me the
most? Not a single one of those people set out to
destroy their life. I am certain that if these people
had known what destruction lay ahead, they would have
never taken that first drug that seemed so harmless. In
reality, the most dangerous illegal drug is the first
one taken. It seems so harmless in the beginning.
In spite of the seriousness of drug use there is a
simple solution; simply don’t do it. Don’t take that
first drug. No matter how harmless it may seem or how
good other people make it sound, don’t do it. Make that
decision now, before you find yourself faced with
“friends” who are encouraging you to “just try it.” Make
the decision now so that you will not have to decide
when under pressure. There comes a time when you have to
make some decisions about yourself. Make good decisions.
By the way, what would you do if you were with a
group of friends and suddenly alcohol or an illegal drug
turns up? You may be thinking “Don’t take it.” That’s a
good answer, but you must do more in this situation. You
must leave the group immediately. If the individual with
the drugs or alcohol is caught and arrested, the whole
group will be arrested. It is important that you choose
wisely when it comes to friends. I will have more to say
about this in a future letter.
Let me also
mention a few things about alcohol. Alcohol is probably
the most dangerous drug available in terms of
destruction to individuals and families. The reason it
is so destructive is because it is legal, socially
accepted and readily available.
For those who
have trouble with alcohol, the onset of problems is slow
and not even noticeable to the victim. Victims of both
drug and alcohol dependence often have their world
falling apart all around them, and they are in total
denial of the problem and the consequences.
You
are under age. It is illegal for you to drink alcohol.
This makes my advice simple for now. Don’t do it. It’s
that simple. No doubt you will find yourself at a party
and there will be alcohol present. Don’t do it, leave
immediately. It’s illegal and you could be arrested.
When you become an adult and are living on your own,
you will have to decide what you will do about alcohol.
Some people can drink socially and never have a problem
with alcohol abuse or dependence. Other people begin
with social drinking and the use slowly increases until
it becomes abuse with the entire range of social, and
eventually, physical problems. Which group are you in? I
don’t know either.
I want you to know that there
is a danger involved. To avoid the danger, the best
thing to do is choose to not drink alcohol. This is the
safest route and the one that I recommend to you.
As far as Dating & Courtship someone who is using alcohol, it is
similar to the drug issue. You are under age. If your
date brings alcohol around you, he is putting you in
danger. You could be arrested. He is being irresponsible
and this is your cue to plan the break up. What if he is
older and is of legal age to use alcohol? It doesn’t
matter. He is still endangering you. Plan the break up.
What will you do later on, when you are of legal
age to drink alcohol, and your boyfriend drinks alcohol?
This is not a black and white situation. If you have
chosen the safe route and you do not drink alcohol, you
may have decided that you will only date people who,
like you, do not drink alcohol. If so, this simplifies
things.
On the other hand, if you wish to
continue Dating & Courtship the person, there may or may not be
danger. As discussed earlier, some people have trouble
with alcohol and some don’t. If the relationship becomes
serious, discuss your concerns with him. If you have a
good relationship, an in-depth discussion should not be
a problem. Remember that you always have access to
professional drug and alcohol counselors who can help
you evaluate your situation. Be sure you are comfortable
with the situation up front rather than after the
marriage.
Dealing With Dating
& Courtship
Anxiety
Life
is stressful as it is and adding relationships to the
mix can play a very negative role on your anxiety
levels, especially if you already have a habit of
developing panic-stricken attacks when it comes to love
and Dating & Courtship.
Over the last 10 years there have
been progress in various therapies to help relieve the
burden of anxiety. It is best that you try to avoid
taking drugs to cope your Dating & Courtship anxiety.
Below
are 4 'non-drug' Dating & Courtship anxiety prevention tips:
1. ...
christian Dating & Courtship,christian
relationship,christian singles,Dating & Courtship advice
Life
is stressful as it is and adding relationships to the
mix can play a very negative role on your anxiety
levels, especially if you already have a habit of
developing panic-stricken attacks when it comes to love
and Dating & Courtship.
Over the last 10 years there have
been progress in various therapies to help relieve the
burden of anxiety. It is best that you try to avoid
taking drugs to cope your Dating & Courtship anxiety.
Below
are 4 'non-drug' Dating & Courtship anxiety prevention tips:
1. Instead of hiding your nervousness, admit it to
yourself and your date. Often times what leads to a
major anxiety attack spawns from trying to keep your
initial nervousness covered up. If your 'special
someone' comes into the room to see you then do not
pretend your anxiety isn't there. Simply say "I am sorry
if I appear nervous, but I am very nervous right now".
Your date will appreciate the honestly and by telling
him/her you'll feel a lot better.
2. If you had
an anxious episode during a date then afterwards do not
beat yourself up worrying how you acted. It's best just
to give yourself affirmations in a positive manner that
helps you build confidence and do better the next time
around by taking control.
3. In order to calm
down each time you have an anxiety attack, simply walk
away and breath. If you happen to be with your new
girlfriend or boyfriend then by following my previous
tip on being honest with them about your nervousness,
and also let them know that you need a minute alone,
walk outside, and breath slowly until you regain
composure. Before you know it, this simple technique
will calm you down every time.
4. Pray... The
power of prayer is amazing. Ask God for courage and
strength to help you overcome your anxiety.
Dealing with Online
Dating & Courtship Rejection!
An unfortunate part of the Dating &
Courtship process
has always been and will always be rejection. Simply
put, not every person that you come across will be the
type that you would like to pursue something more with;
either they’re not your type physically, or else other
key differences in personality begin to show as the
friendship progresses.
Online Dating & Courtship,
Dating & Courtship
tips, online Dating & Courtship services
An unfortunate part
of the Dating & Courtship process has always been and will always be
rejection. Simply put, not every person that you come
across will be the type that you would like to pursue
something more with; either they’re not your type
physically, or else other key differences in personality
begin to show as the friendship progresses. The same can
be said about other people and their opinions of you, as
well. At some point, the time comes to accept your
differences and agree to move in different directions.
In a traditional social setting, this rejection can
often be a harsh and humiliating affair. Often it is
based solely on physical attraction or lack thereof, and
often it given with more venom than the other person
perhaps intends. Said unfriendliness is often
understandable, however; during a given night in a bar
or nightclub, a physically attractive person will
receive the lion’s share of the attention from the
crowd, desired or otherwise. Nonetheless, it can be a
crushing affair to work your way over to a person in a
social setting and instigate conversation only to be
loudly and unceremoniously shot down.
In an
online setting, this blow is often softened a bit by
virtue of the different methods of interaction. Because
of the nature of online Dating & Courtship, both parties are free to
pursue any sort of interaction at their own pace.
Instead of feeling pressured to act by time, alcohol,
and the people surrounding them, a person who is
desirous of speaking further with another can do so at a
much more relaxed, leisurely pace. Furthermore, it takes
a while before either party can be said to have invested
significant time into the relationship, or for that
matter before the conversation can even be classified as
a relationship.
For these reasons, an online
rejection is often easier to bear than a verbal one. If
you express interest in another person and they opt not
to continue contact, you’ve lost very little of your
time and effort, and you know that there exists a
multitude of other people that you may have better luck
with. In some cases, it takes a while before personality
differences begin to show themselves, and you may have
been talking to another person for some measure of time
before they tell you that they’d just as soon desist.
Even then, however, the impersonality of email or
telephone conversations lessens the impact of this, and
you are able to take solace in the knowledge that the
differences between you two would have ultimately proven
detrimental to a lasting relationship.
Along
these lines, you may on occasion find yourself having to
play the role of the rejecter. In cases such as these,
the same points mentioned above are applicable. It is
never an easy thing to tell somebody that you would just
as soon not speak with them any longer, but the
comparative anonymity of the internet gives you the
option of letting them down far more softly than you
would be able to otherwise. Again, neither party is
overly-invested in the relationship at first, and thus
any rejection is easier to bear and to give.