Dating & Courtship

 

Dating & Courtship, Drugs And Alcohol

Dear Daughter,

I love you so much. I wish that I could always protect you from all dangers, but I know that I can’t. You are growing up and you will have to face dangers and make some decisions on your own. However, I am always here and I can always be a pretty good coach. Please talk to me anytime about any problem you may have, even if you have messed up. I have messed up a few times myself.

I was thinking about my last letter on Dating & Courtship. I would like to continue those...

christan, drugs, alcohol, Dating & Courtship

Dear Daughter,

I love you so much. I wish that I could always protect you from all dangers, but I know that I can’t. You are growing up and you will have to face dangers and make some decisions on your own. However, I am always here and I can always be a pretty good coach. Please talk to me anytime about any problem you may have, even if you have messed up. I have messed up a few times myself.

I was thinking about my last letter on Dating & Courtship. I would like to continue those thoughts. As I think about the potential dangers to avoid, drugs and alcohol are at the top of the list.

The moment you learn that a boyfriend is using any type of illegal drug, begin choosing the location for the break up. Never let the relationship continue thinking that he will give up the drugs for you. I know this sounds cruel, but it is true. People who are using drugs will look you in the eye and convincingly lie about the drug use. The drug use actually alters their personality. They will lie and do things that they wouldn’t normally do.

When you break up with someone over drug use, it’s a little different situation. As described before, choose a semi-private but public location, such as a restaurant. Take your own transportation and enough one dollar bills to pay for whatever you order, if you are meeting in a restaurant.

Get straight to the issue. If you like him, tell him so. If he has some good points, compliment him. Then tell him that you cannot continue Dating & Courtship him because he uses drugs. Tell him that this is something you decided long ago and that you are sticking to it. If it is true, tell him that you still consider him to be a friend, but you will not date him.

He will try to minimize the drug use. He may say that he doesn’t use drugs that often, and that it’s no big deal, everyone does it. He may say that he can quit anytime he wants to quit. He may try to make you feel guilty for treating him so badly. Don’t believe any of this. Tell him that only he can decide what he wants to do, you wish him the best and that you hope, for his sake, he does decide to give up the drugs. Get up and leave.

In about a week or so he may call to tell you that he is off all drugs and doing great. Congratulate him and tell him that you will not consider Dating & Courtship him until he has been drug free for at least a year. He will then try to make you feel bad for being so unreasonable. He may even try to make you feel guilty for not helping him stay off drugs by continuing the relationship. Without you he may start using drugs again. Don’t buy any of this. Tell him that it is up to him to quit the drugs, not you. You are not responsible for his behavior. By the way, if you are thinking that everyone does some drugs so there is no one left to date, you are hanging around the wrong people.

While we are on the subject, do we need to talk about drug use? I don’t think that we do, but if we do, please, please, let’s talk. You need to know that there is a lot of false information out there, most of which comes from the people who are using the drugs. They make it sound really good. It’s not. I have seen many people lose their family, friends, their productive lifestyle, and sometimes their life, because the drug became number one in their life.

Do you know what upsets me the most? Not a single one of those people set out to destroy their life. I am certain that if these people had known what destruction lay ahead, they would have never taken that first drug that seemed so harmless. In reality, the most dangerous illegal drug is the first one taken. It seems so harmless in the beginning.

In spite of the seriousness of drug use there is a simple solution; simply don’t do it. Don’t take that first drug. No matter how harmless it may seem or how good other people make it sound, don’t do it. Make that decision now, before you find yourself faced with “friends” who are encouraging you to “just try it.” Make the decision now so that you will not have to decide when under pressure. There comes a time when you have to make some decisions about yourself. Make good decisions.

By the way, what would you do if you were with a group of friends and suddenly alcohol or an illegal drug turns up? You may be thinking “Don’t take it.” That’s a good answer, but you must do more in this situation. You must leave the group immediately. If the individual with the drugs or alcohol is caught and arrested, the whole group will be arrested. It is important that you choose wisely when it comes to friends. I will have more to say about this in a future letter.

Let me also mention a few things about alcohol. Alcohol is probably the most dangerous drug available in terms of destruction to individuals and families. The reason it is so destructive is because it is legal, socially accepted and readily available.

For those who have trouble with alcohol, the onset of problems is slow and not even noticeable to the victim. Victims of both drug and alcohol dependence often have their world falling apart all around them, and they are in total denial of the problem and the consequences.

You are under age. It is illegal for you to drink alcohol. This makes my advice simple for now. Don’t do it. It’s that simple. No doubt you will find yourself at a party and there will be alcohol present. Don’t do it, leave immediately. It’s illegal and you could be arrested.

When you become an adult and are living on your own, you will have to decide what you will do about alcohol. Some people can drink socially and never have a problem with alcohol abuse or dependence. Other people begin with social drinking and the use slowly increases until it becomes abuse with the entire range of social, and eventually, physical problems. Which group are you in? I don’t know either.

I want you to know that there is a danger involved. To avoid the danger, the best thing to do is choose to not drink alcohol. This is the safest route and the one that I recommend to you.

As far as Dating & Courtship someone who is using alcohol, it is similar to the drug issue. You are under age. If your date brings alcohol around you, he is putting you in danger. You could be arrested. He is being irresponsible and this is your cue to plan the break up. What if he is older and is of legal age to use alcohol? It doesn’t matter. He is still endangering you. Plan the break up.

What will you do later on, when you are of legal age to drink alcohol, and your boyfriend drinks alcohol? This is not a black and white situation. If you have chosen the safe route and you do not drink alcohol, you may have decided that you will only date people who, like you, do not drink alcohol. If so, this simplifies things.

On the other hand, if you wish to continue Dating & Courtship the person, there may or may not be danger. As discussed earlier, some people have trouble with alcohol and some don’t. If the relationship becomes serious, discuss your concerns with him. If you have a good relationship, an in-depth discussion should not be a problem. Remember that you always have access to professional drug and alcohol counselors who can help you evaluate your situation. Be sure you are comfortable with the situation up front rather than after the marriage.

 

Dealing With Dating & Courtship Anxiety

Life is stressful as it is and adding relationships to the mix can play a very negative role on your anxiety levels, especially if you already have a habit of developing panic-stricken attacks when it comes to love and Dating & Courtship.

Over the last 10 years there have been progress in various therapies to help relieve the burden of anxiety. It is best that you try to avoid taking drugs to cope your Dating & Courtship anxiety.

Below are 4 'non-drug' Dating & Courtship anxiety prevention tips:

1. ...

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Life is stressful as it is and adding relationships to the mix can play a very negative role on your anxiety levels, especially if you already have a habit of developing panic-stricken attacks when it comes to love and Dating & Courtship.

Over the last 10 years there have been progress in various therapies to help relieve the burden of anxiety. It is best that you try to avoid taking drugs to cope your Dating & Courtship anxiety.

Below are 4 'non-drug' Dating & Courtship anxiety prevention tips:

1. Instead of hiding your nervousness, admit it to yourself and your date. Often times what leads to a major anxiety attack spawns from trying to keep your initial nervousness covered up. If your 'special someone' comes into the room to see you then do not pretend your anxiety isn't there. Simply say "I am sorry if I appear nervous, but I am very nervous right now". Your date will appreciate the honestly and by telling him/her you'll feel a lot better.

2. If you had an anxious episode during a date then afterwards do not beat yourself up worrying how you acted. It's best just to give yourself affirmations in a positive manner that helps you build confidence and do better the next time around by taking control.

3. In order to calm down each time you have an anxiety attack, simply walk away and breath. If you happen to be with your new girlfriend or boyfriend then by following my previous tip on being honest with them about your nervousness, and also let them know that you need a minute alone, walk outside, and breath slowly until you regain composure. Before you know it, this simple technique will calm you down every time.

4. Pray... The power of prayer is amazing. Ask God for courage and strength to help you overcome your anxiety.

 

Dealing with Online Dating & Courtship Rejection!

An unfortunate part of the Dating & Courtship process has always been and will always be rejection. Simply put, not every person that you come across will be the type that you would like to pursue something more with; either they’re not your type physically, or else other key differences in personality begin to show as the friendship progresses.

Online Dating & Courtship, Dating & Courtship tips, online Dating & Courtship services

An unfortunate part of the Dating & Courtship process has always been and will always be rejection. Simply put, not every person that you come across will be the type that you would like to pursue something more with; either they’re not your type physically, or else other key differences in personality begin to show as the friendship progresses. The same can be said about other people and their opinions of you, as well. At some point, the time comes to accept your differences and agree to move in different directions.

In a traditional social setting, this rejection can often be a harsh and humiliating affair. Often it is based solely on physical attraction or lack thereof, and often it given with more venom than the other person perhaps intends. Said unfriendliness is often understandable, however; during a given night in a bar or nightclub, a physically attractive person will receive the lion’s share of the attention from the crowd, desired or otherwise. Nonetheless, it can be a crushing affair to work your way over to a person in a social setting and instigate conversation only to be loudly and unceremoniously shot down.

In an online setting, this blow is often softened a bit by virtue of the different methods of interaction. Because of the nature of online Dating & Courtship, both parties are free to pursue any sort of interaction at their own pace. Instead of feeling pressured to act by time, alcohol, and the people surrounding them, a person who is desirous of speaking further with another can do so at a much more relaxed, leisurely pace. Furthermore, it takes a while before either party can be said to have invested significant time into the relationship, or for that matter before the conversation can even be classified as a relationship.

For these reasons, an online rejection is often easier to bear than a verbal one. If you express interest in another person and they opt not to continue contact, you’ve lost very little of your time and effort, and you know that there exists a multitude of other people that you may have better luck with. In some cases, it takes a while before personality differences begin to show themselves, and you may have been talking to another person for some measure of time before they tell you that they’d just as soon desist. Even then, however, the impersonality of email or telephone conversations lessens the impact of this, and you are able to take solace in the knowledge that the differences between you two would have ultimately proven detrimental to a lasting relationship.

Along these lines, you may on occasion find yourself having to play the role of the rejecter. In cases such as these, the same points mentioned above are applicable. It is never an easy thing to tell somebody that you would just as soon not speak with them any longer, but the comparative anonymity of the internet gives you the option of letting them down far more softly than you would be able to otherwise. Again, neither party is overly-invested in the relationship at first, and thus any rejection is easier to bear and to give.