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How to Behave in Divorce Court

If you or your spouse are unable to agree on the terms of your divorce, everything will be decided by a judge in a final court trial. You have a right to request a jury trial. In many states, including Florida, the “bench trial” is the trial of choice for a divorce case. A bench trial has no jury. So in a typical divorce, the judge is the most important person in your life. So it is best to always "play to the judge" throughout your case.

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Copyright 2006 The Divorce Center P.A.

If you or your spouse are unable to agree on the terms of your divorce, everything will be decided by a judge in a final court trial. You have a right to request a jury trial. Most people are familiar with jury trials - where a jury of citizens from your community will decide the issues.

But family law courts are overcrowded and overworked. While a jury trial is your right to request, asking for one will give the judge a negative impression of you before your case ever begins. In many states, including Florida, the “bench trial” is the trial of choice for a divorce case. A bench trial has no jury. The judge serves as the jury and also serves as the judge. The bench trial concentrates all the decision making power in one person, the judge. So in a typical divorce, the judge is the most important person in your life. So it is best to always "play to the judge" throughout your case.

The vast majority of judges are intelligent, compassionate, and concerned with doing the right thing. But judges are human and you must guide your behavior in, and out of court, by how you may appear to another person. From the start of your divorce to the final judgment (and possibly beyond) you must take "the high road." This means you should act rational and with integrity. Don’t act up, or do anything the judge may use in a decision to punish you.

Always tell the truth and do what you promise to do. If your actions don't match your words, a judge will pick up on that. Be the person everyone admires throughout your divorce and the judge will pick up on that as well. A judge will frequently give the benefit of the doubt to a person that appears to be rational and honest. Further, a judge that gives you the benefit of the doubt will go out of his or her way to do the right thing.

However, you must be aware that as human beings, judges can act unpredictably. You may get a certain ruling because the judge "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" that day and you looked like the bad-guy in court. Again, you will always come out best if you maintain a squeaky clean image. During your hearing, avoid appearances of instability. Even if you don't speak during your trial, the judge is probably looking at and evaluating you.

Don't:

• interrupt your attorney every 3 minutes
• glare at your spouse or the opposing attorney
• speak directly to the other party or attorney
• speak to the judge if you have an attorney - unless asked to
• furiously write notes in a compulsive-looking manner
• wear revealing or dirty clothing

The rules strictly prohibit any communication with the judge outside the presence of the other party. So do not attempt to speak to the judge in private. Letters to the judge are also prohibited. All communications with the judge must be conducted in the presence of the opposing party. And in practice, any communications must be done at a mutually arranged hearing in front of the judge. Finally, always be aware your actions and words are being measured and analyzed by a stranger. But in this case, the stranger is a judge and has power over your life and your divorce.

 

How To Break The News Of Divorce To Your Kids

Divorce can be a traumatic experience for your children. No matter how old they are, the divorce will be hard for them to understand and eventually to accept. Some children in fact harbor hopes that their parents will get back together even after several years of living apart.

Many children feel that they are the ones at fault when their parents break up. Although this may seem illogical to adults, children can find associations in the most incongruous of things. As often ...

Divorce can be a traumatic experience for your children. No matter how old they are, the divorce will be hard for them to understand and eventually to accept. Some children in fact harbor hopes that their parents will get back together even after several years of living apart.

Many children feel that they are the ones at fault when their parents break up. Although this may seem illogical to adults, children can find associations in the most incongruous of things. As often attested by revelations during therapy, children often feel that they could have done something to prevent the break-up in the family. There are those “what ifs” and “could have beens.” If they were good and obedient children, would they have prevented the split? If they did not get into trouble in school, would their parents stay together?

One of the crucial moments that parents should take note of and prepare themselves is the way that they will break the news to their children. Although explaining it properly will not necessarily lessen the pain of knowing that their parents will be splitting up but at least a proper explanation will help prevent misunderstandings especially in what caused the break up in the first place.

Remember that young children are very impressionable. Everything that you do, whether you want them to see or not, can mean something. It is important that you tell them what’s going on to avoid misrepresentations.

Below are some tips on how to break the news of the divorce to your kids.

Never make them feel that they have to choose.

Divorce is a traumatic experience as it is without asking the children to choose sides. This will put them right in the middle of marital trouble. This is not fair because the kids are not really part of the problems that you and your partner are having. Pressuring them to judge who is right and wrong can worsen the trauma that they will be experiencing.

Still, during custody battles, choosing sides cannot be avoided. Although in some cases, especially if the children are a bit older, they are asked to choose which parents they would rather live with.

Never badmouth your partner

Remember that whatever happens, your partner is still a part of their lives, someone who they need to respect and love. Whatever troubles that you have in your relationship should not affect the children in any way. As long as your partner is doing his best to provide for the kids and is a good father, there is no need for them to know what a rotten person he can be sometimes.

Explain clearly.

Although your children will not necessarily understand completely what is going on, there is no need to create fantastical explanations. Just tell them the truth, that you are going to start living apart and they may have to live with each of you separately or live with one parent for the rest of their lives.

Consider their feelings and try to talk to them about it Divorce can be painful for the couple as they are the ones directly involved but you must remember that kids are very vulnerable and they are not as resilient as adults.

It is not enough that you tell them what’s going on. You also have to ask them what their feelings are about what happened. This way, you are able to address their fears and insecurities right then and there.

As mentioned before, kids often feel that it is their fault that their parents are breaking up. You have to reassure them that this is not true and they were not in any way at fault.

Tell them that it’s ok for them to talk to you about it.

Children will have questions about what happened. They might not be able to verbalize it just yet but they will eventually reveal what bothers them about the situation. Encourage them to come and talk to you if they have additional questions. Tell them that it’s ok for them to tell you how they feel and they will be very much welcome to ask you anything they want. Keeping the communications line open will help ease the tension and clear up a lot of potential sources of misunderstandings.

 

How To Choose A Divorce Lawyer In Toronto

Choosing the right divorce and family Lawyer in a large urban center such as Toronto, Thornhill, Markham, Richmond Hill and Vaughan, is the key to obtaining the best results in your divorce.

divorce lawyer, family lawyer, custody, separation, child support, spousal support, property, equalization, Toronto, Thornhill, Markham, Richmond Hill, Vaughan, Erwin Seltzer

Choosing a Divorce Lawyer or a Family Lawyer in large urban centers such as Toronto, Thornhill, Markham, Richmond Hill and Vaughan, can be very challenging due to the large amount of divorce lawyers and family lawyers practicing in these areas in Ontario.

Experienced divorce lawyers and family lawyers can help you through a very stressful time in your life and also help you avoid very costly financial and emotional mistakes. Very difficult and life altering decisions must be made, affecting many personal and important issues, such as child custody, child access or visitation, joint custody, child support, spousal support, property division, debt division, equalization of net family properties, the matrimonial home, separation agreements, among many others. Choosing the right divorce and family lawyer is the key to obtaining the best results in your divorce.

You and your children’s rights and well being may be affected for many years in the future. Divorce and family laws are full of many legal technicalities and are frequently subject to legal interpretation and your divorce lawyer or family lawyer must be experienced in these areas. Issues of child custody and child support can profoundly affect your children’s ongoing development.

If you or your spouse is considering divorce proceedings, it is essential that you consult a divorce and family lawyer to find out your rights and obligations. Do not sign anything or take any action that can affect you or your children’s rights, without getting proper legal advice from a qualified family and divorce lawyer.

Hiring the right divorce and family lawyer requires more work than simply looking through your local yellow pages. You can start your search for a divorce and family lawyer by talking to friends and family and asking for referrals. Contact your real estate or business lawyer for a referral to a family and divorce lawyer. There are many other ways to find divorce and family lawyers as well. When you have found some, Google the divorce and family lawyers’ names and read any articles they may have written.

Family and divorce lawyers should be chosen on the basis of their experience and years of practice. Does the divorce lawyer specialize in, or primarily handle, divorce, child custody, child access or visitation, joint custody, child support, spousal support, property division, debt division, equalization of net family properties, the matrimonial home, separation agreements and all other related family and divorce law issues. Lawyers who also practice business law, real estate, criminal law etc. are generalists and do not specialize in divorce and family law.

When you meet with a family and divorce lawyer, ask questions but, prepare your questions in advance – how is child custody, child access or visitation decided, what is joint custody or shared custody, how much will you receive or will you have to pay for child support and for how long, how does spousal support work, how will your property be divided and what is included, what happens to your home, who pays for your debts and loans, how much will it cost, what steps are involved in the process, how long will it take – can you settle or do you have to go to Court, what is a Separation Agreement -

Ask what the lawyer’s philosophy is about negotiating a settlement or litigating (going to court should be a last resort).

The family and divorce lawyer should be explaining all this and much more to you at your first meeting. Make sure the divorce and family lawyer you choose, answers your questions and makes you feel that you and your case is important and not just another number. Your lawyer should not talk to you in legalize but in plain ordinary language so that you understand exactly what is going on and what will happen in the future. You must choose a lawyer who you feel comfortable with and with whom you can trust to reveal your personal and confidential information and someone who will not make you feel foolish or uncomfortable for asking questions about things you do not understand.

Your divorce and family lawyer should be compassionate and understanding due to the emotional issues involved. Many divorce and family lawyers have gone through their own personal divorces and have experienced your situation personally as well as professionally and may be in a better position to empathize with you and understand exactly how you are feeling and how they can help you better.

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