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Parenting, Caring, Procreate
The Frustrations
and Rewards of Parenting, Caring, Procreate Teenagers
Most parents - whether they admit it or not
- react to the onset of their child's teenage years with
either trepidation or absolute dread. Yet Parenting,
Caring, Procreate a
teenager can be rewarding. Here are tips to get set you
on the right path.
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Parenting, Caring, Procreate
Most parents - whether they
admit it or not - react to the onset of their child's
teenage years with either trepidation or absolute dread.
We look back to our own teenage years, and wonder how
our parents lived through our fads, our raging hormones,
our rebellion, and our attitudes. It's almost as though,
overnight, our parents went from knowing everything to
knowing nothing, from understanding our hopes and dreams
to being clueless about who we are and what we want out
of life. Looking back, we know that Parenting, Caring,
Procreate teenagers
is no cakewalk, and can't begin to imagine how we'll
survive the ordeal.
If only there was a parent
handbook or parent directory, teens would be so much
easier to raise. Even a family newsletter with tips and
hints would be welcomed and make us feel as though we're
not alone in our journey. There's never a doubt that we
want what's best for our children, but what are we
supposed to do when we lose our equanimity and get
sucked into yet another argument about friends or
clothes or the car? Is there any hope of ever having
another enjoyable family vacation? How do we know when
our teenager just has the blues and when he or she is
clinically depressed? If it's the latter, what are the
skills involved in Parenting, Caring, Procreate troubled teens?
Although we may approach our child's teenage years with
dread, the truth is that Parenting, Caring, Procreate teenagers can be
rewarding. Here are four tips to get through those
teenage years.
1. Acknowledge our power. Although
our teens would be loath to admit it, we still wield an
enormous amount of influence over them. We may not think
they're listening to us, but they are. During stressful
times when we're tempted to take the bait and lay down
ultimatums or get into an argument, it's important to
remember that we're still role models for our teens. The
more often we take the high road, the more they'll
benefit.
2. Loosen the apron strings. It's
difficult to accept that the purpose of the teenage
years is to separate and differentiate from parents.
When our teenagers begin to develop their own personal
tastes and opinions, and especially when they want to be
treated "as adults," it's hard to find the right balance
between maintaining control and allowing them to nurture
their individuality. We have the right and the
obligation to set rules and standards, but we can't set
them arbitrarily. If our teens demonstrate that they're
trustworthy, we must give them room to grow.
3.
Be vigilant. It's difficult to imagine that Parenting,
Caring, Procreate
teenagers is more difficult than Parenting, Caring,
Procreate toddlers, but
it's true. We may have loosened the apron strings, but
that doesn't mean we should let go. All teenagers have
secrets, and it's our job to make sure that our teens'
secrets don't have the potential to harm themselves or
others. That doesn't mean snooping (trust goes both
ways), but it does mean staying involved in and aware of
their activities and friends.
4. Listen with our
ears and our hearts. Teenagers are notoriously
uncommunicative, so listening is doubly important. This
means listening both when they're speaking and when
they're not. As the saying goes, silence can speak
volumes, so it's crucial to learn to interpret the
different kinds of silence. We also need to learn to
listen by asking. This doesn't mean hounding our teens
with questions, but asking their opinions and truly
hearing what they have to say - without passing judgment
or correcting them. All teens seek acceptance, and
although most go through periods of feeling acceptance
is lacking from their peers, we can fill in the gaps.
There's no doubt that Parenting, Caring,
Procreate teenagers is
incredibly challenging. And the reality is that we may
not see the fruits of our efforts for several years. But
when we devote the time and develop the skills to
effectively parent our teens, we will experience the
rewards, both now and in the future.
Let the Teens
Manage Their Money
Teens want to have discretionary funds they
can use without their parents poking at them and
auditing all their cents. If the parents would let their
teenagers manage their own money, they should be ready
to give them advises on money management such as
budgeting and fund management.
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The teens want to have their own
money. Teens want to have discretionary funds they can
use without their parents poking at them and auditing
all their cents. If the parents would let their
teenagers manage their own money, they should be ready
to give them advises on money management such as
budgeting and fund management. In this way, they can be
sure that their teens will not just squander their money
on less important things.
The following may help
the teens manage their money:
Teach the teens to
save
Encourage the teens to open a savings account to
deposit their earnings. Even just a few dollars a week
will be good enough. If their parents are giving them
allowances, they can talk to them and ask them to set
aside some dollars in the bank. When the time comes that
they need to withdraw, they will be amazed to see how
much money they have saved. The teens want to have money
and let them save.
Teens must spend wisely
The
biggest nightmare among the teens is to wake up with
nothing to spend, yet the next allowance is still a few
days away. They will be forced to borrow and this will
only add more problems. Spending wisely is a must
especially to those with tight budget. If the school is
just a walking distance, they should be happy to take a
walk and enjoy that needed exercise. Need to go dating?
Why not ask their crushes to have a chat with them in
the park, this way they don’t need to spend much. A can
of soda could do the trick. The teens want to have money
and let them spend wisely.
Introduce the teens to
fund management
There are many plans of fund
management that are available to teens. With a few
dollars, the teens can have the opportunity to increase
their money under the watchful eyes of money experts.
This will also add pride to the teens for having
invested money like what the grownups did. In addition,
requiring them to pay taxes out of their investment will
make the teens contributors to the national coffers. The
teens want to know the rudiments of fund management and
let them know.
Get a checking account
Getting
a checking account will teach the teens some financial
responsibility. Just imagine the teens issuing some
checks for their purchases and or services they
acquired. Knowing that a bouncing check would have legal
repercussions, the teens will be extra careful in
handling their finances. The teens want to think big so
let them have their own checkbooks.
Let them get
credit cards
The feel in getting credit cards
nowadays is greatly different as compared many years
ago. Before, a person is jubilant when his application
is approved because it proves that he is credit worthy.
Today, credit card offers are numerous that it will make
the eyes bulge. The teens must be extra cautious on the
type of cards they will apply. The benefits are vaguely
explained in the ads or in the emails when credit card
companies promote these cards. Most often, actual
charges and interest rates are hidden, only to make the
teens sorry for just freely making purchases. Credit
cards are there to allow the teens to purchase, but they
have to purchase only those things that are needed. They
must avoid being compulsive buyers. The teens want to
have a say in their purchases and parents must allow
them have credit cards.
Parents have a lot to
explain to their teens about money management. No matter
what the teens want, the parents are in the best
position to tell what is best for their teenagers. Just
remember that the parents could contribute much to the
success or failure of their teens. The teens want to
have money and give them that golden opportunity. Let
the teens manage their money and make them real money
managers.
Promote
independence with pocket-money
Effective parents make themselves
redundant. That is, they look for ways that they can
give responsibility to their children. The use of
pocket-money is a fantastic way of promoting real
independence and a sense of responsibility in children
and teenagers.
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In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and
whether it should be earned or only given when children
behave well.
My belief is that children should
receive pocket-money as their small share of the
family-wealth just as they should share the workload at
home. This is not to say that the family income is
divided equally between all members. Rather, children
are given a realistic sum of money, given their age,
needs and ability to deal with money.
It makes
sense to provide guidelines about spending including
letting them know just what they are expected to buy. A
child in lower primary school may get enough to purchase
some sweets and one or two other items, whereas a child
in upper primary school may get enough to cover lunch
orders, bus money and some treats. An allowance that
covers clothing can be useful for adolescents who can be
very costly to outfit in the latest fashions. Let them
know you will buy the basics items and that they can
make up the difference between brand names and basic
items from their pocket-money.
Pocket-money can
teach children a great deal about goal-setting. By
encouraging children to save for a big ticket item such
as a bike or skateboard children learn a great deal
about planning and looking ahead, the value of budgeting
and experience personal satisfaction of reaching a goal
When used in this way, pocket-money is an excellent
way to develop independence in children and young
people.
But my children don’t spend money wisely!
It helps if you give them guidance from the start and
also insist that they divide their pocket-money three
ways – some for spending, some for the future and some
for charity or a social service. I am loathe to
interfere too much in their spending as it is their
share of the wealth and they need to have some control
over their spending. However there are times when for
children’s own long-term best interests that parents
need to step in. For instance, if a child has a
weight-problem and he or she is always buying sweets
then parental interference is the best option. It is
about knowing your child and using common sense.
Should children be given pocket-money if they misbehave?
It is wisest to keep pocket-money and behaviour
separate. Parents can get themselves into also sorts of
bother and cause a great deal of resentment in children
when they withdraw pocket-money until they behave
better. Look for other ways to promote good behaviour
rather than withholding their allowance.
How
often should pocket-money be given? It helps if
pocket-money is given regularly. Like adults children
should have a pay day each week or fortnight when they
receive their share of the family wealth. Give it to
them in coins so they can easily allocate it to
different uses.
At what age can I start with
pocket-money? You can start giving pocket-money to
children as young at four and cut it out on their
fifteenth birthday so they are encouraged to get a
part-time job. For four and five year olds give them a
couple of coins and relate them to two items that you
routinely buy for them as treats. Let them know they can
buy these themselves or put their money in a money-box
for later.
The use of pocket-money is one way to
remove pressure children place on their parents to buy,
buy, buy. When they come home from school and ask you to
buy the latest toy because all their friends have one
you can let them know that they can purchase it or at
least make a contribution from their personal wealth.
For more practical ideas to help you raise confident
kids and resilient young people read Michael's best
selling Parenting, Caring, Procreate book - One Step Ahead. It is available
at the shop at www.Parenting, Caring, Procreateideas.com.au.
Michael
Grose is a leading parent educator. he is the author of
six book and 300 articles, and he gives over 100
presentations a year.
For more ideas to help you
raise confident kids and resilient young people
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