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Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation

 

Snap Out Of Your Anger and Create Joy In Your Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations!

We are driven to find joy, happiness and fulfillment within our Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. Dr. Adrianne Ahern’s SNAP Out of It NOW! Method offers a step-by-step guide to transforming stress, anxiety, self-doubt, anger, and other negative feelings into something completely positive. Snap Out of It Now! Create joy and happiness in your Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations!

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations, Anger, Stress, Happiness, Joy

Snap Out of Your Automatic Reactions and Create Presence, Joy and Fullness in Your Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation!

You know those times when you've had a heated argument with your partner and are still feeling angry and resentful? You know that if you could only apologize or touch them tenderly, things could move on, but you just can't let go of your anger!

* You KNOW, because you've heard it everywhere, that YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Right?
* Your partner doesn't have the power to MAKE you angry or sad-no one can MAKE you feel any way except Y-O-U! Right?
* You have a CHOICE about how you react to what your partner does, right?

Rationally, you know this to be true, but why is it that you cannot control your emotions? Like clockwork, the very next time your partner comes through the door in the evening 30 minutes late, you are in an argument before the door closes.

Once the fight ensues, you don't feel capable of choosing to stop and end the argument with an apology or an act of tenderness. Your automatic reactions have assumed control of you. You waste hours feeling furious instead of spending good time with the one you love. How often does this occur in your Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations?

CLIENT STORY: I want control over my reactions!

Linda used to find it impossible to let go of her anger and reach out with forgiveness to her husband directly after a heated argument. Why? Because once she automatically engaged her reaction of anger by complaining, insulting and blaming, she was no longer capable of choosing how to react. Her emotional response took on a life of it's own!

What's going on? Linda was not conditioned to consciously experience her feelings of anger-a normal human emotion. When sensations of anger arose in her body, her programming kicked in and she automatically placed responsibility for her anger onto someone or something else. Once Linda began reacting to her feelings of anger by projecting them outwardly, she began a vicious cycle of anger and regret.

I helped Linda with the four easy steps of the SNAP Out Of It NOW! Method. Linda learned to:

1. Acknowledged that she was stuck in negative thinking (about what it means when her husband comes home late), and that she was unconsciously reacting (complaining and blaming) to her own negative thought patterns.
2. Experience herself reacting-to really think about and to fully become aware of her reactions and their consequences (no-win situation leaving her feeling empty and her husband unhappy).
3. Sense the feeling within her body (heat rising in chest) that was provoking the impulse to react with blaming.
4. Breathe with focused intention with the feeling inside. As she breathed, the feeling dissipated and she no longer felt controlled by her automatic "angry" reaction.

Linda discovered how to quiet her mind and how to connect with and experience her feelings. When she acknowledged and experienced the feelings within her, she no longer felt the impulse to react with blame toward her husband.

After 3 sessions, Linda said to me, "I am no longer controlled by my feelings of anger. As I breathe to the sensation of heat rising in my chest, the sensation dissipates and I am back in control. I feel better about myself and I actually look forward to seeing my husband when he comes home. If he comes home later than expected I find something to do to fill the time." Linda began to feel appreciation for her husband rather than only anger and resentment.

Part of the stress in life is that feelings of anger and resentment get in the way of the desire to be present with the ones we love-whether they are parents, spouses, children or friends-and to create joy and fullness in our Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations.

 

Commitment Phobia: Are You Commitment Phobic?

Marilee, a client of mine, was commitment phobic. “I’d love to be in a loving Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation,” she told me in one of our counseling sessions, “but I’m not willing to give up my freedom. I have a great life. I love my work and my friends. I love to travel and take workshops and classes. I don’t want anyone telling me what I can or can’t do. I don’t want to deal with someone feeling hurt because I want to work rather than be with him. It’s just not worth all the hassle.”

Marc...

commitment phobia, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation advice, love advice, self improvement, self help

Marilee, a client of mine, was commitment phobic. “I’d love to be in a loving Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation,” she told me in one of our counseling sessions, “but I’m not willing to give up my freedom. I have a great life. I love my work and my friends. I love to travel and take workshops and classes. I don’t want anyone telling me what I can or can’t do. I don’t want to deal with someone feeling hurt because I want to work rather than be with him. It’s just not worth all the hassle.”

Marcus, another of my clients, was also commitment phobic. “When I’m not in a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation, that’s all I can think about it. I really want someone to play with, to love and to grow with. But soon after getting into a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation, I start to feel trapped. I feel like I can’t do what I want to do and I start to resent the person for limiting me. Most of the time, she has no idea what’s going on and is stunned by the break-up. She thought everything was fine. After leaving her, I’m back to square one – wanting to be in a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation. This has happened over and over again.”

Commitment phobia has its roots in the belief that when we love someone, we are responsible for their feelings rather than for our own. Once we believe that we are responsible for another’s feelings of hurt or rejection as a result of our behavior, we believe we need to limit ourselves in order to not upset the other person. Then, instead of standing up for our own freedom and right to pursue that which brings us joy, we limit our freedom in an effort to have control over the other person’s feelings. This will always eventually lead to resentment.

“Marilee, “ I asked in one of our phone sessions, “What if you picked someone who also loved his work and his personal freedom?”

“Frankly, I can’t imagine that. Every man I’ve been in a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation with has wanted to spend more time with me than I have with him. Am I just picking the wrong man over and over?”

“No,” I replied. “But you are not standing firm in your freedom from the beginning. You give a lot at the beginning because you enjoy being with him, but, as we’ve discussed, you also give yourself up a lot at the beginning. You make love when you don’t want to. You stay up later than you want to for fear of hurting him. Then, when you do start to tell the truth, he is surprised and hurt. Until you are willing to risk losing him from the beginning rather than lose yourself, you will continue to create Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations that limit your freedom. You end up believing that it is the Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation that limits you, but it is your own fears and beliefs that keep limiting you.”

In my sessions with Marcus, he discovered that he had no idea how to stand up for himself in a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation. As soon as a woman wanted something from him, he gave it to her. He just could not bring himself to say no. Then, of course, he ended up feeling trapped.

Marcus discovered that his fear of saying no to a woman came from two sources:

1) He believed he was responsible for her feelings, and that he was bad if he did anything that upset her.

2) He was afraid that if she felt hurt, she would get angry and reject him.

As a result of these two fears, Marcus continually gave himself up in Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. However, giving himself up created such resentment toward his partner that he eventually didn’t want to be with her anymore and left the Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation.

In order to have both our personal freedom and be in a committed Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation, we need to learn to take responsibility for our own feelings rather than the other person’s feelings, and we need to be willing to lose the other person rather than lose ourselves. Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself, even in the face of another’s anger, rejection, or loss. If you want to have a loving Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation, then you need to do the inner work necessary to develop a strong adult self who can be a powerful advocate for your personal freedom.

 

Common mistakes guys make on their profiles

Hey Guys, is your profile up to par? Learn how to avoid the most common mistakes guys make on their profiles.
Are you having a hard time finding that special female companion online? Do you somehow feel you are not connecting as well as you should be?

singles, dating, personals

Hey Guys, is your profile up to par? Learn how to avoid the most common mistakes guys make on their profiles.
Are you having a hard time finding that special female companion online? Do you somehow feel you are not connecting as well as you should be? Well, your profile may be the culprit. You've spent a sufficient amount of time writing and polishing it up, and you've asked the advice of your buddies who've said they think it looks fine—but let's look at this from the view point of a woman. Let's face it, men and women are different species; what appeals to men may be a turnoff for women. There are many common mistakes guys often make on their profile; let's take a look at several of them.

Your profile name may be a hoot with your buddies, but is it unappealing to the opposite sex?

Take a look at the profiles of any dating site and you'll often see usernames that were intended to get a chuckle, but, more often than not, offend women. Guys with usernames such as “partyAllNite21” or “HotGuy_Wants_U” are usually not aware of the wrong signal they're broadcasting. There are very few self-respecting females that would think twice about striking up a conversation with a guy that refers to himself as “Mr_Perfect_4_U1980”. It's wise not to trivialize or to make fun of the online dating process. Most women simply glance at a username, and if it's not abrasive to their sensitivities they may decide to further peruse the rest of your profile; don't diminish your chances with a goof ball username.

When choosing a username, use a combination of good taste, clean humor, and common sense. Try not to pick something that would send out an improper, negative vibe. Incorporating your favorite past times and your name is always a safe bet. Think of all your positive attributes and the appealing aspects of your personality.

Does your profile resemble a stale resume?

Mentioning your job in your profile is always a plus, but don't enumerate every job you've had since your teenage years. Some guys get sidetracked when writing up their profile for the first time—it's much easier to neglect your emotional side by pouring out your career goals and aspirations. Try not to dwell on your career—or any topic for that matter—as it tends to draw attention away from the reason you are really here in the first place. Don't give women the wrong impression by blatantly advertising your workaholic lifestyle.

A sentence or two about your livelihood should suffice. You'll have plenty of time to talk about your job—don't clutter up your profile with 90% of it. Use your profile as a reflection of what you enjoy outside of the office; you'll have a much better chance of finding that perfect woman. Most women are looking for a compatible personality, and yakking about your 9-to-5 is a poor indication of what your personality is really like.

Don't limit yourself. Try not to sound too picky.

When filling in your match's ideal description, keep in mind that women often take those specifications literally. You may be thinking that you are listing desired general attributes—age, height, interests—and you assume that women will not view these qualities as stringent carved-in-stone requirements, but, truth be told, most women do. If a potential match finds that her weight is a couple pounds out of range, she may pass you up because of a small triviality. The bottom line is this: sounding too picky or judgmental can severely hamper your chances of a hook up.

It's ok to post your match preferences, but by giving some slack to your requests—adding a few years to her age, or perhaps a few pounds to her weight—you greatly increase your chances of hooking up with a fine catch that might not have thought themselves good enough to reply in the first place.

Dwelling on the negativity of past Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations can be dating doom.

Coming across as too jaded or bitter on your profile can result in a lot of missed opportunities. There are few worse turn-offs for women than sounding too hung up on past doomed Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. Understand that your profile—perhaps aside from your picture—is an important first impression; women will send your profile through a kind of mental filter and any negativity will most likely result in an automatic lose of points.

Converting your negatives into positives is always a good course. Instead of pointing out that “I'm tired of playing games all the time”, try to soften it by stating “I believe honesty and trust is the cornerstone of any Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation.” With a little thought, any low points that you've experienced in your past Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations can be carefully rewritten so that they won't make you come across as tried and jaded. Remember, you want them to take an interest in you, so you must give off a pleasant vibe right off the bat.

Be sure to spend some time crafting your essay.

Many men don't really put much thought and time into their profile essay. What does one say? What is the best way to market one's self? Playing the strong silent type won't get you very far in the online dating scene. You can't afford to skimp on your essay when it's essentially a window into your personality. Many women use the profile as a deciding factor—should I continue based on what I've read so far? Always make sure that you have enough meat in profile essay.

Let's face it—you don't have to be as articulate as a seasoned novelist. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. The best policy has always been honesty, and your profile essay should be no exception. Just let the reader inside the real you; give them a glimpse inside your personality. You can start by describing what a typical day would be like in your shoes. Mentioning what you do for a living and any of your hobbies is always a plus, as well as sprinkling little bits of humor here and there.

Displaying your vanity is a bad move.

Men often like to show off their six pack abs or their newly acquired tan in their profile photo, but women browsing your dating profile don't necessarily want to see the entire package just yet; an image of a macho guy flexing his biceps is not usually what motivates a female to immediately respond to your personal ad.

Try to maintain an air of mystery about your image—putting on a dressy shirt is not going to scare women away or make them any less attracted to your physical appearance.

Sweetness overload may be a bit too much at times.

Women are notorious consumers of pillow talk and romance—they eat it up, right? So you may be tempted to go overboard on the romantic talk, showering compliments galore. Ask yourself this: is this the way I usually talk to women? If it's not then your romantic rhetoric may sound fake and forced. Most women are actually looking for authenticity in men. It's a bad idea to project the sweetness-at-all-times image from the get-go—this move can often lead to a fragile first impression that crumbles at further inspection.

A better way to portray your playful side is to explain that you love to have a good time and joke around, but that you know when it's time to be serious. This lets the ladies know that you're not out just to play around, and it shows that you have a mature side, knowing when to deal with important issues. When you pour on the sweetness too thick, you may send out the wrong message—desperation.

© Copyright 2004 by www.online4love.com

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