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Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation

 

Baggage Handling - And Not The Kind You Take On Vacation!

My friend Susan, a beautiful, intelligent and successful professional single, recently announced that her tumultuous 6-month Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation was over. "He's got too much baggage and I don't know how to handle it", she explained over a skinny decaf latte at our weekly hangout session. So how much baggage is too much, and when do we hang out the "overloaded" sign?

baggage handling, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation issues

My friend Susan, a beautiful, intelligent and successful professional single, recently announced that her tumultuous 6-month Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation was over.

"He's got too much baggage and I don't know how to handle it", she explained over a skinny decaf latte at our weekly hangout session.

So how much baggage is too much, and when do we hang out the "overloaded" sign?

It's a fact of life that any man over the age of 30 is going to bring some sort of baggage to a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation. Heck, I know 20-year-olds with more baggage than the Orient Express!

And it follows that the older we get, the more likely it is that the baggage is going to exponentially increase -- ex wives, children, stepchildren, in-laws, lifestyles or commitments, just to name a few. But it's not about how much baggage he has, it's more about how he (and we!) deal with it.

Kathryn Bigelow, behavioral scientist and director of the Burnett Behavioral Science Unit at Sydney University in Sydney, Australia says, "Baggage is merely a name for our collective past experiences. What we do with our history and how we manage it is a clear indication of how we will deal with current and future experiences."

So back to my friend Susan. Her difficulty was in trying to deal with her partner's obvious inability to let go of past Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. According to her, this man wanted to remain friends with every woman he had ever gone out with. At least twice each week he would arrange to meet up with at least one of his ex's for a coffee, or whatever. For Susan, her gripe was how to get his ex's to exit - permanently.

According to Dr Bigelow, here is a list of ways to put the baggage down and get on with life:

*Take a good hard look at what you expect from a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation and a partner. Then list the absolute essentials. The rest is baggage that needs to be discarded.

*From the list of essentials, try to imagine what it would be like to go without one of your "must-haves" for a day. How would you feel? Then try to imagine letting go for longer. The less demanding we are of ourselves and others, the less baggage we accumulate.

*Take a good hard look at who you are - yes, who you <b>really are</b>. Do an honest appraisal of your good and bad points and decide what you would like to change. Then imagine what it would be like if you could rid yourself of that trait for a day. Then try to imagine how much more space you would have in your life if you could let go of one of your negative qualities for good.

*Don't take yourself too seriously. OK, you're not 20 any more, but that doesn't mean you can't have a little fun. Think about the traits you have that annoy you, or other people, and try to find something funny about them. Creating a humorous side to a bad habit or trait can help diffuse it.

*Be your own best friend and don't beat yourself up about things that happened in the past. The past is in the past, so there's no point in worrying about things you can't change.

*Let go of the anger, resentment or guilt that you may be holding on to. You'll be amazed at how much lighter you'll feel!

We all know how cumbersome it is travelling with excess baggage, and the costs it can incur, so the object is to travel through life with just the right amount of baggage to travel well, but happily.

 

Solving Hot Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation Issues

Differences of opinions will always be part of Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. While many people break up because differences many conflicts can be resolved. It boils down to both people honestly wanting to resolve the conflict and not just get their own way.

Here is a 10 Step process I use that has proven to work for many couples. It resolves conflicts by recognizing that successful Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations run through a series of compromises by both individuals.

1. Let go of the idea of “getting...

stop your divorce, save your marriage

Differences of opinions will always be part of Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. While many people break up because differences many conflicts can be resolved. It boils down to both people honestly wanting to resolve the conflict and not just get their own way.

Here is a 10 Step process I use that has proven to work for many couples. It resolves conflicts by recognizing that successful Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations run through a series of compromises by both individuals.

1. Let go of the idea of “getting your way.” There is no such thing in a successful Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation.

2. All Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations have conflict. Relax and stop being embarrassed by the problem.

3. Acknowledge the conflict. Recognize that there is a conflict and that resolving it together will make your Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation better.

4. Listen carefully. Each of you has something to say and an opinion. By listening you acknowledge the other’s worth in the Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation.

5. Set a time when you will get back together to try to resolve the problem. Prioritize the meeting as important and make sure you show up for it.

6. Examine your role in the problem. Define it so you understand what you think the problem is. Which of your behaviors adds to the problem? Accept responsibility for your role in producing or keeping the problem going.

7. Identify behaviors that each of you can change. Think of as many different solutions as you can. The more possible solutions and behavior changes you can think of, the greater the chance of finding those that will solve the problem.

8. Be ready to negotiate solutions. Keep the discussion open and going until you both agree on which solution to try. This solution should include behavior changes that each of you should make and a potential timetable for making them. Set a date to discuss how well this solution is working.

9. Implement your new behaviors.

10. Meet again to discuss what has worked and what hasn’t. For those things that haven’t worked, go back to your list of possible solutions and pick a new one to try. Resolve to keep meeting and trying new behaviors until the problem is solved.

Use this technique for resolving any Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation problem you have. It will work as long as each party is willing to accept responsibility for their own part and are willing to try new behaviors until the successful changes are found.

 

Abundance mentality.

One of the biggest secrets to finding and keeping a good life partner. It,s not only what you do, but how you think.

abundance, belief, meeting, partners, singles

This is one of the biggest secrets to finding and keeping a good life partner. It not only boils down to what you do, but how you think.

Here's what happened.

Some time ago, in my 30's I spent nearly 2 years single. I used to wake up in the morning, leave my expensive house, get into my sports car and drive to my successful engineering business. After work, I went to the health club on my way home, exercised, played squash etc. Often women looked my way and were friendly towards me. Yet I never dated for months on end.

What's wrong with this picture?

I had left a painful Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation, where I had been rejected by my partner daily. So I believed, that no-one would ever love me again, because I was not worth it. This belief came true in my life.

I just didn't think that there was someone out there, interested in me. This of course made it right.

Was it because I was unattractive? Hardly, I had a good build, clear skin, was fit and healthy, and even though I didn't look like Richard Gere, I certainly wasn't ugly.

Was it because I was financially insecure? No, I owned a good business, drove a fancy car and lived in a big house with a view.

So there was nothing physically, causing my problem. It was all in my mind.

Hey, it gets worse. After some counseling and reading lots of books, I actually got to go and take some action to meet some new people. Then when I did find someone, guess how that worked out.

You see, deep down, I still had that limiting attitude, that I was really fortunate to get anyone at all that wanted to be with me. They sensed it like sharks smelling blood in the water. Describing it as that I partnered up with a predator, would have been an understatement.

The person I attracted, was a gold digger, having no scruples about sleeping with whoever she felt like. Was it her fault, yes BUT it was more my fault. I realized that I allowed it to happen in my mind first. I believed that this was the best I could achieve and had to accept that behavior to actually have anyone in my life at all.

Eventually the boundaries of even my twisted logic broke, when she came back after being with another man, drunk and tried to stab me with a kitchen knife.

How could I allow it to get that far? Easy, I didn't understand that I had choices. When I realized that even being alone again was better than my present situation, I did get out of that Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation.

Cutting a long story short, the whole issue was me having the wrong belief system.

It took some time, but eventually, I accepted that I was actually OK, and a lot of women could do far worse than to be in a Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation with me. I now also understood, that there were actually many thousands of potential partners for me.

As soon as I started believing this, it was as though some flood gates had opened. I kept running into potential partners at every turn, and I was off the singles scene very quickly.

All I did differently was that I had now accepted that there is actually a complete abundance in our universe. An abundance of suitable people. It was my choice, to accept or reject this fact. That made the difference. Now my physical actions could lead me to my true desires.

My external surroundings had not changed much, Physically I was the same (except getting a bit older, and not much wiser), but my life had turned 180 degrees. Because I allowed it to. I let my mind accept that anything is possible, and nothing could stand in the way of a strong enough belief.

But, only severe pain brought about this realization.

You can avoid the pain. Understand the above, you have many choices now. They will let you do things in more positive ways. Realize, that life will end up teaching you either way, let it be a pleasant instead of painful lesson.

In conclusion, imagine it, believe it, and see what happens.

Remember, keep on loving

Udo

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