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Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation

 

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations: Conflict Resolution Without Words

In the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling really heard and understood.

While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most people have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes. What often h...

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations, conflict resolution, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation help, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation advice, self improvement

In the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling really heard and understood.

While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most people have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes. What often happens when they “communicate” is that each person tries to get the other person to see things his or her way. Instead of solving the problem, each is trying to have control over how the other person sees things. This often leads to more conflict and frustration.

While I am not suggesting that couples stop communicating over problems and issues, I am offering an additional way of resolving conflict: taking loving action in your own behalf.

This form of conflict resolution is about action rather than talk. Following are some of the actions you can take that may make a world of difference in your Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation.

LOVING ACTIONS

1. Choose to be compassionate toward yourself and your partner rather than choosing to judge yourself or your partner.

Judging yourself and your partner will always lead to more conflict. Choosing to compassionately care about yourself and your partner can totally change the energy between you, even without words. If you believe that you or your partner are bad or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you will not be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!

2. Choose to practice self-discipline in terms of saying nothing rather than behaving in an inflammatory way toward your partner.

Practice zipping up your mouth! Practice letting go of having to be right! Practice walking away from a conflicted or heated situation, rather than jumping into the fray in the hopes of winning. If you look back, you will see that no one wins when both people are trying to control with anger, blame, explanations, debating, defending, lectures, or compliance. However, if you choose to walk away, walk away with love and compassion – intent on taking loving care of yourself rather than punishing your partner. Walking away in anger is just another way to control.

3. Choose to accept that you have no control over your partner’s feelings and behavior, but that you have total control over your own actions.

It is much easier to let go of trying to control your partner when you move into acceptance regarding who your partner is. Trying to change your partner is a total waste of energy. Changing yourself moves you into personal power.

4. Choose to take loving care of yourself in the face of the other person’s choices.

You will find yourself wanting to talk about problems when you see yourself as a victim of your partner’s choices. However, when you accept your partner for who he or she is and accept your lack of control over your partner, you can then see your way clear toward taking loving action in your own behalf. Asking the question, “What is the loving action toward myself right now?” will lead to ideas of how to take loving care of your self. Asking, “If I were an enlightened being, how would I be acting right now?” will open the door to creative ways of taking loving care of yourself.

Loving actions are actions that support your own highest good without harming your partner. For example, if you are tired of often being frustrated and rushed because your partner is generally late leaving for an event, you might decide to take your own car each time your partner is not ready on time. While your partner might not like your choice, your action is not harmful to him or her. It is an action that stops the power struggle and takes care of your self.

Letting go of trying to change your partner and taking loving action for your self are the keys to conflict resolution without words.

 

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations: Giving to Get

Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love?

I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days.

in love, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations, Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation advice

Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love?

I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I’m lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn’t make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad. But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad.

I just don’t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.”

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and making him feel “loved and wanted.” But, because Adam is not doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he “works hard” and is nice to Patty, he can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam’s wellbeing, and becomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated - rather than an expression of his love - Patty will feel used rather than loved. when they have sex.

Nothing will change in this Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation until Adam decides to learn how to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay about himself.

Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to open to learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of Patty’s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty happy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, he is just trying to get love - giving to get.

Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won’t know this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control over getting love to learning about being loving.

 

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations - Please Give Your Head An Opportunity To Decide

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations in the early phase of formation are guided by heart and physical attraction and needs. How many of us give a chance to our head to decide whether we will relate to a person using our head?

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation,

Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations in the early phase of formation are guided by heart and physical attraction and needs. How many of us give a chance to our head to decide whether we will relate to a person using our head? Very few of us do that. This irrational process continues for long and may be cause of suffering in some Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. Please give your head a chance to decide about Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation and about whether it should continue.

Infatuation decides many Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliations. You see some one and decide that you want that person. You do not reason at all about why you want that person. I read many posts about teenagers saying that I saw that boy and girl and I want to relate. Why do you want to relate with a person by only looking at him/her? Will that Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation give pleasure or pain? In many instances, it gives pleasure. The love at first sight Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation may go on for life, but many times, it may lead to pain. If head were given a choice in selection of the partner, this would not have happened.

Similar trend continues after the Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation develops cracks. Most of us are at a loss to decide about the future of the Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation. No analysis is done to decide. It is heart and feelings that rule. Either it is fear of breaking up and hurting your partner, or it is fear of searching for another Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation or some other reason. But this goes on. We do not allow our head to decide. Please give the head a chance to decide the Relationship, Liaison, Alliance, Affiliation. Keep feelings in picture, but become little more analytical and look for happiness with help of your head.

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